A New Year's Resolution for Submissive Men
» Miscellany
Don’t take this note the wrong way. I can’t with justice complain. What I have with Alexandra is better than my fantasies ever were.
I’ll have to own that my current fantasy life, which is very severe without descending into the crazy depths of the past, makes me regret that I waited so long to let my slavish side come to life.
It isn’t as if I weren’t adventurous. Not only did I sell myself a couple of times I ran or helped run escort services in three major cities.
And there was the boy I spanked after he licked the army boots I sported at the time.
I think I was simply afraid to let someone tie me up. An inability to trust strangers.
Little did I realize the night I went to a Folsom Street leather bar that there was a community of people who engaged in consensual BDSM. Perhaps if I had a whip would’ve cut into my skin long ago. The leather and fetish communities weren’t nearly as visible in those days.
I regret missing exploring D/s and S&M without romance. There are dark spaces where Alexandra and I will never go. We shouldn’t. And it isn’t as if I’d trade knowing them for the pleasure of nibbling on her neck. I’m a very blessed man.
It is an axiom of my life that fretting about your past is akin to wishing you were dead. For good or ill we are our experiences.
Many of you my dear male readers wish you had a woman to worship. A nice way to put it. Maybe you are really looking for a woman to scratch your masochistic itch. Fair enough - you will be who you are.
For you I’ll provide a New Year’s Resolution for 2006.
If you are single why not try to actually meet a dominant woman.
How, you plaintively ask.
Join CollarMe.com and write a good profile. Write a profile much as you would for a conventional online dating site. Tell who you are, share your pleasures. At the end explain what it is you would hope to gain and have to offer in a D/s relationship. And there’s alt.com and bondage.com.
Dig around and find forums dominant woman visit. And learn how to make a contribution to the discussion. Hopefully as more than a yes man. CollarMe.com has CollarChat.com.
People who search and communicate are far more likely to find what they want than those who only sit and wish.
I claim no expertise but on and off I’ve offered what advice and suggestions I can.
There are single dominant women who would like to meet the right man. Most of them seem to be looking for a person. Not an object, though they may enjoy objectifying him.
If only you want is a kink satisfied it may be that you’d be best off with a ProDomme. If nothing else you may learn how you really feel about S&M.
Many small cities in the US have munch groups where fetish folks meet. Even here in the middle of North Carolina. You may have to do some digging (you can always ask on a busy forum) to find out where and when they meet. Strangers are always welcome.
The New Year’s Resolution I offer you is to actually try to meet someone. And to remember to be polite, lucid and patient.
Try to live the life you want. You can do yourself no greater kindness. You have one life and as the self-help books say: make it a fulfilling one.
Best of luck.
Comments
You raised a very valid point when you discussed the issue of learning how you feel about erotic domination. I nearly backed out of my first ever encounter, becaue I was afraid of what I might discover - afraid that I would feel utterly out of place and stupid.
When I spoke to the guy about it, he said that many (if not most) of the would-be dominants cancel and back out of the arrangement at the last minute because either they are too scared to try it or they decide it’s really not for them.
For me the equation works like this: If you feel comfortable enough with the person such that should you change your mind in mid-scene (remember, this is your first time), then they are probably mature enough for friendly experimentation.
This is why it’s essential for both the top and the bottom to show respect and intelligence to each other before they arrange anything.
Posted by: Alexandra | December 31, 2005 6:18 PM