Discovering That You Are a Masochist or Sadist

See http://www.sensualsadist.com/archives/innergrowth/themakingofa_pervert.php#000322

I know, you already have. Just spamming you up ;)

Is that a poll? Well, let’s see. Submissive and masochistic fantasies, since, I guess, 8yrs old. Discovered it was something related to sex at… maybe 14. Catholic background, had much trouble accepting it was not a sin and still much more trouble to accept it was not a “disease”. First experience, 28yrs old, with a pro.

Married at 33, worshiping her happily ever after.

Not exactly a poll but I am hoping other folks will share some of their own history.

I started haveing this thoughts during a sexual encounter. And that was when I was 16 I now think about it so much that I have to write stories about my sexual fantasies. I have not completly brought this experiance to life, that one night because we were enterupted. I am now 17. I have a question I whould like an answer to.—— Is it normal to have fantasies that in the end one partner actualy dies from blood lose. Because blood is my upsesion in my fantasies.

Normal is a useless term.

Do people have BDSM fantasies where they die or murder someone? Yes. My own beloved had fantasized of trampling a man to death.

Blood and breath loss are probably the two most common types of death fantasies.

Is it unhealthy? No really. The only danger would be if they became your only fantasies and block everything else.

Usually people who have death fantasies have them most strongly when young. As they age they don’t necessarily go away but are displaced by safer, more realizable fantasies.

If you have more questions do feel free to ask them.

I have read a good portion about masochist and sadist and it don’t quite define me. I don,t always feel it as if I want to experiance pain threw having sex with a girl I love but more as to over take them and have complete control over them and well I am afraid that I could possable hurt a female that I know or don’t know. I have cought my self on top of a very close friend that is a female and then I realize what I am doing. I have a harder time controling myself around extreamly atractive females mainly the ones that hate me. I whent to a therapist to get help because i don’t want to hurt her but i have urges to do so. To me I feel that blood is the life of a person and that by taking this from them i have a part of them. I only see this in women tho. Do you think I need help or not please give me advice my therapist is an idiot and can not help me. I have beenchanaling these fellings to write stories. But I feel that if I find a girl that is into things like this then it may help these feelings to cool down. Please help me understand this I feel alone. I have told close friends and thay don’t aprove it. But they suport me. I have knowone around me that is into these things I am alone.Sory for taking your time but I need this deeply explaned to me.

People can desire more than one thing, including seemingly contradictory acts.

‘Vampirism’ - taking blood - isn’t that rare a fetish. Some people have taken it too seriously and have found themselves in trouble. Some have gotten so carried away their desire to take blood has left them under the illusion that they really are vampires like in horror movies.

Impossible fantasies are dangerous: it you focus on acts that can’t be safely performed in real life you may become unable to be satisfied by the possible. Your fetish isn’t something that I really know much about.

As long as an act can be performed safely between two people who consent then it is hard for me to see any shame in it.

I’ve just met a new lady and we are getting along really well. She said tonight that she has arranged for her to go to a BDSM club. how do I feel about that? Well I said I have wanted to try somthing like this for a long time, but I don’t know if I wish to be dom or sub. I have never spoken to any one before that is into this scene. So I am ignorant about what happens or is expected of me. Are you able to quell my fear of the unknown? Well it turns out that she hasn’t been before either so, what do I wear ? What can I expect to see or be expected to know ? PLEASE HELP before I go and embaress myself and loose this new lady I like

Wear? Have a black t-shirt and black jeans. Or a white t-shirt and regular jeans. Not everybody dresses up like they do in porn.

Given that you don’t know your own orientation you should just hang out and watch. If someone approaches you that you are just beginning self-discovery. Anyone worth talking to will understand. Anyone who doesn’t isn’t worth talking to.

Well, I´ve just discovered your pages and I sort of wanted to say I really liked them, especially the mix of those wonderful fantasies and some serious thinking. It´s quite hard to find things like that here - meaning I´m not American, in fact I live in an insignificant European country you have probably never heard of.

But since I´m already writing, why not say a bit about myself - you don´t often get the chance in real life, and writing in a foreign language makes it easier to say stuff. Anyway, you can see if there are any cultural differences :)

Found out that I liked funny things as a child, realized it was about sex at about 15 (I suppose I´m closest to “bottom”, although I´ve never really worried about exact terminology). But at that stage I would never have dreamt of telling anyone I tied my ankles and wrists before masturbating.) As luck would have it though, my fist love turned out to be into BDSM, we had two years of very interesting sex but slowly deteriorating relationship. Then a series of “normal” guys, the last of whom I married over 3 years ago. (He knew I was a bit strange but I decided to survive even if he weren´t, you can´t always get everything you want.) The happy end (or perhaps, happy beginning?) being that he seems to have become quite interested in a little dominance.

And some of your notes about your previous relationship have encouraged me to try and communicate more about the things we might try and do, so thanks for that. As well as for the bits which are fun to read. Sorry for such a long comment, I promise it won´t happen again.

Toren

Can I just say this is easily the most open and rewarding insight I’ve seen yet into other peoples feelings on the subject of BDSM in real life and how people realise, reject, accept and ultimately pursue their desires. Well done.

shows how Feelings of being alone and “weird” are not something I have suffered alone. I 1st discovered BDSM at the age of 8 and was imediately disgusted and intrigued. Pushed it to the back of my mind for a while, then later when fantasies rear their head, you cant stop thoughts that you initially feel embaressed about and wish would just go away. Then you just must accept these feelings and understand it is not wrong and their are other people who feel the same way. A fear Ive had is falling in love with a girl in a Vanilla sense, then a few months into it reveal you are a Switch and they reject you for it. Ive come to realise that the only way round this is to look for a relationship in your local BDSM community, and trust me, it is more rewading and enjoyable than feeling like some type of sexual leper

Well,first let me say your notes and page impress me greatly.Kudos to you on a job well done and all that. Next I first got the funny feelings that none of my other friends were having;when I was about 12.I really thought it was exciting to hurt my foes and my siblings until they screamed.I was 16 when the fantasies started playing in my head.I knew a was a dom when a close friend and I were experimenting and I ended up on top and in control.=]Luckly she was more of a sub than we both knew and everything went well for a while. Now I’m looking for a new scene,cause well most of my friends have graduated and I know if I ignore these urges that won’t end well. The only question I have for you is:do you know any BDSM clubs in TN? =]