F/m Gender Politics

It is with almost annoyance that I have to confess that as a class submissive women write more eloquently than others. When I began the project that evolved into Down On My Knees I wondered why submissive persons seemed to write more often and more interestingly. NB: I can think of dominants who write very well. But they are less common. Likewise if you think of best known sex writers the majority is female.

Shrug. It isn’t as if I can decode or deconstruct the silly society into which I’ve been born.

I guess I should get to the point.

Because I do love women and hate sexism I took great delight in an entry of Ree’s:

I love how feminine being submissive to him makes me feel. However, I cannot agree that I want or need Rowan’s discipline because of my feminine urges. I do not need correction because I am female. I am not more inclined towards destructive misbehavior than some men. I do realize that I make mistakes on a regular basis and that my mistakes go be given as evidence that even the most intelligent, articulate, and college educated women are prone to destructive misbehaviors. However, men can and do engage in destructive misbehavior.

A Sub Speaks about Femininity

Given my site’s audience it isn’t likely that anyone would think of women as inherently inclined toward submissiveness.

But how often have you heard a submissive guy say that his submission left him feeling more manly? A gay male slave very well might. Nor is a gay master apt to want him to feel otherwise. (I’ve never put it that way myself but we pansexuals live within and without the hetero norm.)

True, women were once expected to be demure and obedient little things. Thankfully the last few decades have seen that kind of nonsense increasingly discarded.

But were it a submissive male’s blog it is easy to imagine him with eerie pride assetubg that his male destructive impulses required female control.

Really, it is hard to see you guys as Conan the Barbarian hacking your way through life. Probably your biggest sin is being selfish with the photocopier at the office or watching too much television (hint: do what I did – have your cable TV disconnected).

Anyway, what has struck me is how many M/f relationships are abandoning sexist stereotypes while M/f adopt the negative sexist image of the average male. At the risk of sounding haughty: none of my heterosexual male friends are nothing like that. They are smart, humane, good humored and take out the trash.

Being privileged to know the statistics of a few sites that focus on men whose happiness is in surrendering power to a woman I’ve noticed how certain social conceptions stick out above others.

Personally this doesn’t mean much of anything to me. But I do know that hunger to feel inferior. And I guess feeling categorically inferior adds considerable punch to the idea.

But I remain hostile to the image.

The notion that gynarchy would result in a better world owe more to sexist wishful thinking than history. Women can be awe inspiring: for their beauty, compassion, talent – attributes available to either gender.

In some instances female superiority can be quite evil. One of the best-known exponents encourages abused husbands to remain in abusive relationships because at least you get to serve a woman. Invert that to a wife-beater: would you advise her likewise?

Every day my life is better lived because of what my mother gave me. She wasn’t a divinity.

As a youth I was startled to realize that the loving relationships of my friends weren’t perfectly symmetrical. One or the other partner made decisions for the pair. Not necessarily everything. One might make most of the pragmatic choices while the other determined their combined social lives.

In my own love affairs I’ve both set the path or followed my lovers’.

And I’ve read personal ads by dominant women who expect the guy to be able to supply his own point of view and help make or take the lead in certain decisions.

In reading the personal sites of so many couples I’ve sometimes read of couples who start out with either female supremacy or FLR as a master plan only to step away finding they are both happier with a less strictly defined marriage.

Not that I doubt very strict regimens work well for some couples.

Many of you guys who wish you could introduce the woman you love to some form of F/m interaction might have better luck in selling it to her as play. Passion rarely comes from ideology or sociology.

Is this need for self-justification born of a response to the depictions of heterosexuality in popular culture? Sometimes I wonder if you are all creations of television.

OK, that isn’t fair. The stereotypes wouldn’t be there if they didn’t reflect the feelings of the audience. So you feel that men are supposed to be tougher and perhaps that women are more peaceful.

Though given Imelda Marcos, Ann Coulter, Eva Peron and Margaret Thatcher the notion that females are more irenic quickly fails. And anyone who has seen a proper father out with his child knows how nuturing a man can be. Not everyone is a prisoner of imagined cultural norms. There’s no shame in submission.

And you can’t help but smile at men who promote such kind notions of womanhood while essentially wanting a woman to act like a bitch.

That your neighbors, coworkers and parents may have had certain images of manhood is no reason for you to come up with justifications for a relationship that brings joy to your life. Besides why make woman worship sound like going to Sunday school?

And preaching gynarchy insults the vanilla majority – no, they wouldn’t be happier if they were like us, - dominant men, submissive men and the entire gay population. If your gospel were true what should they do? Go to reeducation camps?

I have a bias against pervasively theoretical approaches to life. It leaves them unappreciative of distinctions, blinds them to individuality. And newspaper sociology and outdated ethnology is intellectually contemptible.

And you guys write so soberly, earnestly about the women you – I hope – love. Adoration is ecstasy. Show more cheer.

I find bliss in being objectified, joy in humiliation. Pain is my pleasure. Without her pleasure it would be as dry as dust. It is born of complementary needs and desires. Not a paperback book.

Meet your needs and hers. Throw out he silly theories and have a good life together.

Have fun.

Besides it is just sexist tosh.