Strap-on Romance

“In D/s I assume the woman enjoys the somewhat sexist inversion of phallic power. I’ve never seen a two-way strap on being sold so I’m assuming they get no genital stimulation.”

Check out the Feeldoe, Nexus or Nexus Jr. which at least review well. The reviewers at Good Vibrations say it works well enough that she may not need a harness. Disclaimer: I don’t know anyone in real life who’s used one of these so I can only go by the reviews.

Otherwise, a friend who told me about her conventional strap-on said they’re fun to use but provide little or no genital stimulation.

Shows how much I really know about strap-ons (like is it hyphenated: I keep seeing with and without).

Makes the idea of vanilla (hate that word but non-D/s is too cumbersome) couples have strap-on sex even more plausible.

Thanks for the pointers.

i have one hot pick strap on that had a battery operated clit stimulator. unfortunately, the attached harness isn’t very good—i have to use it with another leather harness, but the dildo is too thick for my harness, so i have to buy a new one. rats!

A hot pick strap-on sounds like a model with a heating element. I haven’t read my about strap-on usage, mostly just a few guys mentioning how much they enjoyed being pounded. Nice to know women can get physical as well as psychological pleasure from the act.

I have had Mistresses have very powerful cums from strap on play. There is significant clitoral stimulation. Also some have said that mentally it is very powerful

Didja know that Strap-on backwards is No-Parts?

Seems like it is more a matter of extra parts.

You have too much free time don’t you :-)

I discovered the pleasures and therapeutic value of prostate and strap-on play only recently. It was a curiosity that had been developing for a few months before I gathered the courage to try it. I had read about the male p-spot and its orgasmic power. Boy was I not prepared for the intense veracity of that statement! I was also unprepared for the ailment that it remedied. From a combination of excessive psychedelics, neural reprogramming, and a childhood filled with sexual frustration and strife, I had developed a breathing problem where each breath felt restricted and tight. I became subconsciously accustomed to constantly holding my sphincter muscle tense and my abdomen clenched. This stress prevented energy from flowing through my body naturally. Along with difficulty breathing, my appetite and digestive abilities declined and I would rarely to never be sexually aroused. The first time my anus was penetrated and my prostate was stimulated, I almost ejaculated without penile stimulation! The orgasm left me relaxed as water and my sphincter completely relaxed! And almost magically, within 25 seconds, I got hungry and the breathing problem went away! I was shocked! I went home and did more research and eventually learned about the vagus nerve and its parasympathetic axons in the anus and I found out what was going on. My main point was to highlight how interconnected body and mind are. Needless to say, anal play has made me a happier and healthier 24 yr. old!

Alexandra teased my anus with a wooden spoon the other night. The surprising sensations left me feeling open to some sort of anal play.

Thanks for the comment.

As a flaming hetrosexual straight man,the idea of finding pleasure from a rubber life like cock gammed in my ass is the ultimate mental and emotional conflict.During a session Mistress enjoys using this in conjunction with other play.My submission and the need to please Mistress permits me to experience this “repulsive” act.Mistress drives me to such a sexual level that my body betrays me.The guilt and conflict that insest or rape victims experience is that there bodies reacted to this violation with arousal and even orgasm.These victims are not guilty of anything but they feel guilt because there bodies “enjoyed it”.This is a conflict many don’t know or understand.The fact is our bodies work with a mind of there own at times.Mistress likes to drive me to a level far beyond this to make it even more of a conflict and to make it clear that I wanted it and liked it.She orders her slave to ask and beg for this violation.She has me suck it while watching myself in the mirror or while looking her in the eye.I must thank her and ask her to put it in my tight ass.This whole prossess does not require my erection but it does happen.Mistress points this out and it goes away then she points it out as it returns.Soon I reach a point of pure “SLUT”.I thrust against it and loose all sense of control.After orgasm Mistress has me clean up my fluids which is the exclamation point.She then reminds me of what I just did and how much I liked it.The conflict grows powerful within me.Pride is my male defense system,but it has been removed and I am naked.This feeling lasts several days,but she eventually reasures her maco stud slave of his place in her heart.It is just that he enjoys “HER” cock in his tight ass.

Im a 20 something man and i’ve just recently been facinated by the idea of my girlfriend doing me with a strap on. I have no idea why, but its the biggest turn on. Problem is, how do i get her to do it? I know she might be worried that i’m gay, because she’s not very sexually experienced. Any advice??

You can explain to her that a man can have an orgasm by having his prostate massaged that way. Plenty of straight women and men use strap-ons this way. I’ve never known any gay men to use one.

I’m a hetero girl, dating a hetero male who, after a few months of dating, asked me if I’d penetrate him anally. He’s never asked this of anyone else, & I’ve never been asked by anyone b4, so it was new to both of us. I did some extensive research on massaging the prostate, & we both learned & explored together. I don’t feel a power trip; I just enjoy watching him squirm with pleasure as I penetrate him. I figured that since I like anal penetration, sans prostate, it makes even more sense for a man to enjoy it… There IS a toy called the “feedoe,” that is a strapless strapon, & yeah, we BOTH get pleasure from it. I keep studying so that I can find more ways to pleasure him. Rock on!

I get prostate massage from my wife while I masturbate slowly, to an explosive orgasm. The other night, she did something completely different.

Instead of sitting between my spread legs, she came up over top of me, and began to kiss me deeply as she thrust her finger into me. With each stroke, her hand would bottom out, and she would push against my butt and perineum, insistently, as if she was having intercourse with me.

All the while, she was kissing me deeply, and I was moaning into her mouth.

I lightly rubbed the head of my penis, and I exploded, and covered my stomach with fluids, as I cried out into her mouth, never breaking the kiss.

Since we’re already enjoying anal play, I’m going to ask her if she would try using a strap-on on me. I think there’s a high likelihood she’ll enjoy it too. It can only get better than this, right?

I’d like to get one that feels as good for her as possible.

Gustav

Gustav,

From what most people say you’d want to get a FeelDoe.

There are over 1300 members at a yahoo group all interested in sharing and reading about feeldoe use… ideas…. warnings…. advice. The first bit… if you are using it for fm use, you will need something to hold it for “rough use” or when first getting accustomed to it.

I own a Feeldoe. In certain positions, it can indeed be used strapless. (In others, at least for me, it tends to slip out of the wearer.)

It’s available with a bullet vibrator, and it does have some ridges designed to hit the wearer’s clit, but much as my pet would prefer to believe otherwise, I’m extremely unlikely to come while using it on him.

While there is a certain amount of freedom to not having to wear a harness, I’ve recently purchased some traditional (by which I mean “not double”) dildoes as sometimes I just don’t feel like being penetrated at the same time I’m penetrating him.

My pet adores being penetrated anally, but hasn’t been able to come from prostate stimulation alone.

I’m a straight forty-something guy and I love nothing better than having my wife ravish my ass. The most exciting thing I can imagine is bending over a table or getting down with my face to the bed or the floor with my bottom lifted, exposing my anus and testicles to her view. She’s really into grabbing my cheeks and biting them and licking my anus, which makes me groan and cry out in pleasure. Sometimes she even works her tongue inside my little hole. She also likes to mount me from behind and rub her clit on my tailbone, and maybe also in my anus, grinding into me until she comes. I love that because of how it reverses the usual gender roles. I live for the moment when she lubricates my hole and slides her finger inside. She is not into sex toys, so I have to satisfy that urge alone when I masturbate. But just one or two of her fingers feels huge, enough to make me feel like the girl. My cock gets so hard I can’t believe it. I masturbate while she fingers or licks me, focusing equally on the sensations in my genitals and my anus. The orgasm is always tremendous on these occasions. As you can tell I’m a total butt boy. I love it when my wife makes me her bitch!

Here’s a story I wrote about a man whose strap-on dream comes true: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=27834 I wish it would happen for me but I’m grateful to have a loving wife with whom I’m so compatible.

My wife loves to strap one on and take me to limits i’ve never been before,we have tried the feeldoe and it doesnt work as anyone who has had anal play lube is of the utmost importance,therefore the feeldoe always slips out of my wife.we use the strap on and love it,my question is how do i tell my wife i want to suck it before she drives my ass???I feel she will think i’m gay but for me the total turn of power will drive me to new heights any advice?????

I;m really not comfortable with the quoted bit there, Richard. I don’t like the idea that the way I prefer most to have sex gives me “a window” into how other people who are not me experience sex. I’m not mimicking anyone, and it really grosses me out to see people thinking I do or should. When I’m having sex I’m having sex.

Maybe my experience is like theirs. Probably. But why should this matter, and why is my fucking a pale imitation of someone else’s?

That really, really, really bothers me.

It has been a couple of years …

I appended that quote because I’d just heard of the feeldoe and it seemed to address the issue of physical pleasure for the female (as I noted strap-ons weren’t anything I really knew much about). Why I chose that to quote? Probably just a quick copy and paste.

Okay. Well, I can’t speak to that — I don’t want to be penetrated while I’m fucking someone, usually. Sometimes it seems like a neat idea, but usually it just seems like people assuming that I’m supposed to use my vagina because it’s there… as a top I find it weird and uncomfortable that somehow I’m expected to sexually bottom a tiny bit even when I’m not.

It makes me feel like standard gender roles are following me around everywhere I go. And people refusing to believe that what I find pleasant is pleasant just feels, yet again, like one interpretation of sex is being foisted on me regardless of what I think or what I want.

So… eh. I’m sure the feeldoe is great fun for those who want to use it. But I wonder if it’s contributing to the general perception that otherwise, this kind of sex couldn’t possibly be fun so it saves the day somehow. Like there’s something that needs saving: oh look, we can reintroduce vagina! All is well!

That saddens me.

Using your vagina would be a form of bottoming?

To me, yes. I’m almost always a top in both senses of the word. So I find it pretty puzzling when people think it’s helpful to suggest putting something up me at the same time. Eeeh? What now?

Part of the reason I went looking for BDSM is how completely alienated I’ve always felt from the kind of sexuality people assume females are supposed to have.

I don’t see any reason not to do that sometimes but I’ve always been utterly puzzled by the assumption that I’m not enjoying myself if I don’t.

Or why being inside my partner is not about me. I can’t really parse that. A lot of people say that but… eh.

I’m weird. Always have been. :)

and, well, “top” and “bottom” used strictly in terms of sex mean “penetrator” and “penetratee” so I’m not so sure why that’s surprising. Yeah, you can top in SM and then bottom in sex, or do both at the same time, hell — a lot of women do — but it isn’t often what I want personally.

For the majority stimulation of the clitoris or penis is all sex is.

My own appreciation of the non-genital aspect of sex began as a penetrator: it was a surprise - a very wonderful one - to see how ecstatic the bottom could become. (Not that knew anything about the prostate. But their please clearly came from more than just friction.)

And being a BDSM bottom has really deepened my understanding through my own experiences. For me being beaten, offering certain gestures of homage are primary sexual experiences.

Thanks.

I’ve been mulling over how I worded this — and I want to make clear I’m not trying to say that for me sex equals penetration either.

Just that, well, the assumption that woman = penetratee is pretty constant with the rare exception of stone butch dykes, if someone even knows what they are.

And for me, being bi and close to stone — nobody knows that or recognizes that, so no matter how many times I write things like this I’m always back to square one with people.

For a lot of people it’s somehow a major concern that a strap-on is a silly toy, designed only for the pleasure of the receptive partner (such that the usual solution is the Feeldoe which makes both people receptive…), etc. And well, I get what they are saying — there isn’t as much direct stimulation as there would be if I had a vibe on my clit, no.

But I also don’t really get it, in some senses, because ever since childhood I felt very upset that what people were calling “sex” worked “backwards.” Discovering that I could use my fingers and hands helped, and first hearing about strap-ons was an immense relief. “Oh, I can have sex without feeling backwards! I wasn’t sure that was possible! Awesome!”

I was always sure that BDSM stuff would be primary sexual experiences for me, too, but I wasn’t sure until I started to realize the many ways it was possible for me to penetrate in sex whether I’d have any close analogs to what other people tended to mean by “sex” too.

You didn’t give me the impression that you equated sex with penetration.

…

Some people have no erotic empathy. For others - myself- expanding it is a permanent project.

My best advice is to go SLOWLY. Seduction not assault. My mate had experienced it with a previous partner. BUTT she did not want to freak me out with the direct “this is what I want to do to you”. She started touching my anus during oral sex and progressd slowly to little finger penetration, then more and more. The spirit was “want to make it better?” as she became more bold and I got into it. Just simple penetration with a digit. The orgasms were intense and I wanted to go a little further each time. Prostate massage sex is AWESOME. What started as an akward moment became a major part of our love making. The next stage started on one of those valentines day rent a hotel room outings. “How much do you trust me?”. OK it was going to be a kinky evening anyway so my guard was down. She talked me into lying on my belly with a pillow under my pelvis. She brought out cuffs and loosely tied me to the bed in the face down ass in the air position. OK a little weird but exciting. Then came the lube and digit, enjoyable as usual, then the “how much do you trust me?” is how she intro’d the dildo idea. Since the last time she used that line it was the start of a great new part of MY sex life, I was OK with the idea. (in that position, tied to the bed, what was I going to say?) At first her nervous excitement was replaced with self assurance as I was enjoying the experience. As the session progressed she became more confident,then “assertive” and we were both OK with it. There was an “escape word” if I was too uncomfortable (physically or emotionally)it was part of the trust issue and a gauge of what I could handle. OK it was uncomfortable at first, larger than anything we had used before but I trusted her before and the outcome was awesome. I was ready to try anything. It was obvious she was getting into the control rush. At some point we were both overcome and had one of the hottest sessions ever. Just good old fashioned rolling around on the bed screwing our brains out. Another positive experience. The control rush became a regular part of it. We tried a strap on but it did not work for mechanical reasons (BBW)and the feeldoe was not on the market. Unfortunatly we have since parted. I miss the great orgasms and watching my lover become incredibly aroused from the rush. The basic idea of anything near someone’s butt is repulsive to my current love. I keep re-playing the mental movie of those hot sessions when I masturbate. Tied to the bed, ass in the air, her in control, beng milked with a firm hand then teased.. sorry lost it there for a moment. I am hoping my new love will ask “how much…

Thank you! Thank you. I agree. I love it in the rear.

By no means are all non-D/s people vanilla- there are many other ways to be kinky! That said, my wife and I love getting up inside each others’ bottoms! I love it when she fucks me deep in the ass with her strap-on, and she loves it when I fuck her up the ass. I enjoy the prostate stimulation, she enjoys the indirect g-spot stimulation, and we both enjoy that deeply satisfying feeling that we now realize is due to vagus nerve stimulation. We also dildo each others’ asses during 69, which is super-intense for both of us!