Want Some Advice?

My wife hasn’t allowed me intercourse the last five years except a couple times a year, and none the last year. My “useless semen” is milked from me regularly but I still feel the need to masterbate often. My wife has openly talked that if I was castrated and my balls were removed that I wouldn’t have any sexual desire again. Plus she said that she thought that having a “ball-less” husband would be cute. At first that seemed extreme but now that I am “sexless” except for masterbating myself I would like to have my desires for sex to go away. With such a small penis (a very thin 3.5” erect) I don’t turn on any women sexually. Is castration something I should seek? Barry.

There are myths about castration: men can still have sexual desire and have erections. Castrating eunuchs in the ancient world prevented them from siring children so they could be trusted with a ruler’s wives.

In D/s the main purpose of milking a male is to cause him to ejaculate without orgasm. Thus it doesn’t diminish his desires, indeed can increase them. That is why men find it a potent form of power exchange. Secondarily it keeps a man undergoing enforced chastity physically healthy.

Milking isn’t something that would make you want sex less so it is natural that you’d continue to masturbate.

Becoming asexual isn’t that simple. Much erotic desire is of the mind and heart as the body. If you are serious about that you might talk to your doctor about drugs that reduce libido.

I am calling out a request please !!!

does anyone have web sites of Vintage sub training …my toy is inspiring me to find out more about this area….

strict stern and a lady as well……..

not sure if appropriate but send all replies to nonie927@yahoo.com

thank you in advance

I’m always kicking myself (well, Alexandra isn’t here to do it) for not keeping a list of all the useful pages I’ve found.

Training is a pretty broad term: is there anything specific about training or, say, discipline? I might be able to remember some sites that are devoted to very specific aspects. Let me know and I’ll dig around some.

Posting your email address is OK with me. But it will increase the amount of spam you get (which is why I never publish people’s email addresses). Luckily Yahoo has excellent spam filters.

Mistress thanks Richard and hope the results are quick….I am not good on patience and when my toy inspires me sigh its a wonderful thing….dont you agree

found a awsome site vintagelove.com…very exciting

I don’t know if there are any “vintage training” sites per se.

There are a few retro-femdom photo sites but are paysites.

I did put together of some web pages that talk about training and made it today’s entry. Not sure if that was what you were hoping for or not.

“I’m always kicking myself (well, Alexandra isn’t here to do it) ” ….

I’ve tried kicking myself, but my knees don’t bend in the right direction! Good thing that we have dommes!

http://home.cuffs.com/sasha /galleries_index-KVP.html

a victorian household training site!!

I love to share everything BUT my toy!

how do i encourage an experienced sub to express himself?

this is my problem:

i have been communicating online for many months w/ a sub male who is seeking ownership. we share similar interests and are very compatible. he is local and several attempts to meet have fallen through. afterwards, he disappears on me, and i have become skeptical about his intentions, but then he returns to me w/ eagerness and apology.

recently, he communicated a strong desire to complete a scene w/ me, and, surprisingly, he showed up. he was everything he said he was, and i fulfilled my end. he behaved well, and i was very satisifed. upon conclusion, he promised to be in touch w/in a few days, but i have not heard from him in nearly 2 weeks. how do i proceed?

i have left a few messages for him, but i do not want my advances to be unwelcome now. i am convinced of his intentions and truthfulness, but i don’t know what to do at this point. does he deserve further punishment or care and attention? since i thought our meeting would lead to more, again i’m surprised by his tendency to ignore me.

feel free to ask any details, and i will oblige. i am not in the bdsm lifestyle, but i have some experience, and i have dominant tendencies. your comments are appreciated.

Speculations:

He may have another, perhaps, vanilla relationship and not be sure if he wants to give it up. If he really likes this other person but really wants what you have to offer he may be feeling internal conflict.

A nastier possibility is that he has to juggle a committed relationship in order to see you.

You said he is seeking ownership. He might not sure how ‘owned’ he’s ready to be. Determining how much your seeming desires match what you really want and can handle isn’t always easy. He might fear he’s promised more than he can fulfill.

Honestly I think you should press him to explain why he vanishes. It is easy to send an email saying work or whatever is keeping you distracted. And offer him a chance to clarify any confusion and doubts he has.

Since most people are so instantly suspicious nowadays I think it is great that you are giving him the benefit of the doubt. But even for the most conventional dating context you’ve been as accepting as possible and maybe you should just walk away from him if he can’t give you fair answers, time and attention.

Best of luck.

thank you for the thoughtful reply.

your comments are on point: he does have a “vanilla” relationship, though not an especially committed one.

his tastes run to the extreme, and he has been collared before. i cannot make excuses for him: the only concerns he has raised are issues of safety and comfort. i believe that mutual trust has been established by now, yet his evasiveness still puzzles me, and i feel i deserve an explanation.

i’ll phrase another message to him in this context and wait and see what happens. it seems beneath my dignity to beg for a reply, but i welcome the attention he has shown me. is it fair to be harsh w/ him, or shall i show my understanding?

I have purchased a chastity belt for the first time and want to use it when it arrives, I am looking for ways to be teased with it on. Im not a huge masterbater so denail of touching myself isnt a problem, but areas such as being down graded like having smoke blown in my face turns me on tons, and whilst in chastity it would be a cruel but delightful game, are there other games you could suggest or a website that have them so I could look them up and see what areas to try? Yours newbie

For tease and denial scenarios I suggest you go to Orgasm Denial: orgasmdenial.com.

Hello, This is really a Wonderful Informative site,
I came across this site doing a Google search, What I seek is Actual Female Aggressor / Abductor / Sadist who did confine and torture a Male. Males have Volumes of this behavior , through out history Does ANYONE ? know of cases where woman have have used this Modus Operandi, I would Sincerely appreciate YOUR help Thanks Love an Peace BluesMate

sometimes when i have a wank on the bed i lift my legs right up to catch me spunk on me belly if i ever was to catch it on my mouth would it make me poorly

If you are asking if ingesting sperm will do you harm: no you’ll just recycle some protein and trace elements.

I am a male who is into self-bondage. I do not any sort of a partner. Recently I have attained some rope, a butt plug, ball gag, corset, and bondage tape. I am trying to find ways to secure myself and feel totally helpless. I also love crossdressing and teasing/torturing myself. The thing is, I am out of scenarios and ideas. I am more than welcome to the idea of bondage for extended periods of time or outdoor ventures. Can you please come up with some ideas or escapades for me. Thank you so much for your informed perspective.

Some men may lose all sexual ability. But by no means all. This has been known since the earliest recorded creation of eunuchs and the lives of castrati.

Hi Richard, Been going through this site and others, trying to get a “definition” of my own tastes to be able to communicate it with others. I am 51 yr old female. Been alone for awhile after a sad split up. Finally woke up to the stupidity of sitting around alone when I could be out having fun (with a lover and/or soul mate). Posted a profile on Lava ie and got a lot of response. I did include interest in D/s… I did meet 1 man from out of town that I had been writing to for awhile.. I/Mistress… he/toy. Turned out he was not a “full access” toy (married with guilt). Still, this gave me a first “taste”… I have never come close to playing this game before (I think lol). And, I am not sure I am Domme or not… where does a conventional lusty female bleed into a Domme? I am not into causing any pain. I like conventional sex. I am sick of being flipped around like the human pancake for some guy.. I like to call the shots, I like to tease (physically and mentally, I like to know “his” buttons and how and when to push them and I like to control how and when he cums (if possible). I’m into pleasure with a bit of “edge”. So… what does that make me? Thanks…

There’s a site -but I forget the name - written by a woman who enjoys erotic dominance that closely matches yours.

I wouldn’t worry about the label. There’s a variety of dominant women. Some enjoy leather and lashes, othere just being the head of the household, some just taking the lead in romantic and sexual play.

Thanks for the comments Richard.. If you or anybody else thinks of an appropriate site for me to investigate, I would enjoy checking it out. In the meantime, while I am not “worried” about the label… I still want to define myself adequately. So what do you think? Am I a Domme type or just a bit controlling? Is it ridiculuous to put D/s in a lavalife description? Take Care…

Hi Richard - I think the woman you were referring to is Jane Vargas at www.xtratalk.com. She calls herself a “softly dominant” woman. Take Care

No, that is a pretty typical tease and denial site (you might be interested in orgasmdenial.com - nicer than the title suggests).

The site I’m remembering can be downloaded as a free e-book but haven’t had any luck finding it again.

If you haven’t seen these already you might find these sites of interest:

http://wifeworship.tripod.com/home.htm http://www.dominantdiva.com/ http://www.aroundherfinger.com http://www.geocities.com/ladymisato/

I don’t have any personal interest in these sites - they don’t match my relationship with Alexandra - but may be along the lines of what you are looking for.

Hi Richard, Thanks for the site suggestions. I’m reading them. I will return here as well. Take Care, Undefined

First of all, I just want to say what a wonderful website you have. With that being said, I am a 37 year old male who just loves wearing tights and leotards. So this is where I need some advice. Being married for the second time, my second wife and I talked about some of our sexual fantasies. I told her I really love ballet (which is very true..I did in fact take some ballet lessons), and because of that I enjoy the wearing of tights/leotards. At first she seamed really into it, we even role-played just once or twice that she was my Ballet Mistress. You see I have a real submissive side to me. We have been married for just over a year now. Recently, though, she is getting turned off by my wearing of tights. A few months ago I had a very erotic dream/fantasy that I typed up and let my wife read. She told me she really liked it. (enclosed is the first story..”A naughty dream”) The basis of the story is that I am her sex slave for a day and that I must wear my tights/leotards all day while she does some devilish things to me. I told her I really wanted this fantasy to come true..she said, “Someday it just might!” So I kept wearing my tights about 4 times a week. Then I came up with fantasy Part II. (attached is story “Another naughty dream/fantasy) Well in Part II, I take the fantasy a step further to my ballet class where I am forced to wear a ballet skirt and tutu’s. My mistress likes this and I end up getting fucked up the ass by her strap-on. Well to be blunt, my did not like this story as much. Matter of fact, I believe it is because of this fantasy that she now disapproves of me wearing my tights/leotards. I still where them, but it is now done more in secret or under my clothes. I really want her to be my Mistress and to role play with my dance clothes, but I don’t see that happening in the near future. I have read other web-sites, that to me a true sub, I must do what my Mistress wants me to do, but I’m afraid that if stop wearing my tights/leotards, then she will never let me wear them again. How can I get back to the way things were before when she enjoyed me dress this way. She does joke every now and then about me wearing her shoes or lingerie, (which does turn me on), but then she says she didn’t like the story about me wearing ballet skirts or tutu’s. I am confused. She is a terrific wife who loves and adores me and vice verca. Our sex life is ok..but it is getting stale. When we role play..I really like that I am submissive to her. (Sometimes we do switch and she acts as the innocent high school virgin and I am the high school teacher who takes her virginity) Any advice you have be greatly appreciated. I thank you in advance for your taking the time to read my e-mail. I patiently wait your reply.

humbly submitted,

balletgurl

Leotards are simply sexy, no surprise she might you cute in them. And many women are coming to understand that men may enjoy for them to dominate them a bit and be playfully mean.

My first comment is just generic: I know what it is like to have lots of fantasies and want to live them. I think it is very good that you are sharing them with her but be careful to not push her to go too fast. She needs time to adapt. And she may need to feel sure that the man she married is still there. There may be some things you’d like to try that she’ll never be willing to explore. Only time will tell.

About wanting her to penetrate her. This may have left her very confused. She may be wondering if you are really gay or bisexual. You can see how the former would break her heart. And many people both gay and straight are very distrustful of bisexuality: they fear a bisexual person can never be faithful to just one sex. (I’m not saying you are either, just trying to help you see what might’ve passed through her mind.)

You need to explain to her that many straight men enjoy being penetrated by a woman. Many heterosexual couples buy strap-on dildos for this purpose.

Explain to her how for some men it can see the ultimate submissive act they can offer a woman.

And there is a physical basis for a man enjoying being penetrated. It massages your prostate gland and stimulates your vagus nerve. This simply feels good. It is normal male physiology and practiced as I said by thousands of husbands and wives.

I need advice. I have long had fantasies of D/s as a switch. Recently, I reconnected with a friend from my past. She confided in me that she would like to explore a D/s relationship where she is the submissive. She fleshed out some of the details allowing me to visualize every man’s wet dreams. However, I do not have the real world experience to develop such a relationship and I did not lead her to believe that I did. I want to go with this. If it doesn’t work out, D/s-wise, she still wants to be lovers. She confided that she really wants to do this and I want to make it a real, albeit life-long learning process, experience. She doesn’t want to be whipped etc. I’m not sure if bondage is on the table unless it is something soft. She is willing to explore and grow into things. I want to learn how. Can you recommend any literature or real world educators that live in NH/ME/No. Eastern MA? This is a huge request, I know. Your site was recommended to me by a friend of mine from SF. Thanks.

Mark

My own D/s relationship is with someone who was a friend that became a lover.

I’d suggest you go to Amazon and order The New Topping Book for yourself and The New Bottoming Book for her. (With Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission as a possible extra.) You don’t need any of the more advanced books that get into S&M or the like until/if the two of you decide to explore more physical scenarios.

You might try getting her to clarify what sort of submission she wants. Is it strictly sex play: only in the bedroom? Or would she like for it to embrace more: cooking your meals and serving it to you like a servant?

Is she comfortable with the idea of sitting naked at your feet for an evening? How does she feel about symbolic acts like bowing her head or – say – kissing your feet? To use titles like Sir or Master?

Perhaps both of you would benefit from filling out a checklist. They are scattered across the web. (On the front page of my site on the right is a list of Special Pages. One is my checklist. You could take that, cut out some of the more extreme items, change a few things to fit a M/f relationship.)

You may want to have some set ending for your first experiments: word, gesture, event (orgasm?). You need to be very aware that she’ll probably need aftercare. Surrender can leave you very vulnerable. She’ll need to be held and spoken to very tenderly. Ideally the two of you should debrief one another: share your feelings about what you each went through.

Both of you may find that your sense of what you want and need change with experience. She might decide that she does want corporal punishment if only a very light hand spanking.

If you do decide to try bondage I suggest the fur-lined leather cuffs. Bondage should be relatively comfortable.

Mentoring? Be careful. Many people have their own pet theories that they push. Conflicting opinions can be more confusing than helpful.

The main qualities needed for D/s are those needed for any sort of romance or sex play: honesty, empathy and attentiveness. She’ll need to be focused on being honest: not pretending she likes something that she doesn’t. You’ll need to keep your eye on her at all times to make sure she really is OK.

Local BDSM folks who get together are usually called munch groups. Try searching on Google for the phrase combined with the names of cities near you. Many cities have one.

There’s no one true way to do this. It is all in how the two individuals mesh. From the way your phrased your questions you seem to have the right mindset. Lots of it is just practice. Try not to worry too much about it all being perfect. There are always missteps and mishaps.

The archives of this site are full of stories of things Alexandra and I didn’t get right the first time (or sometimes the second and third times).

I have always had a healthy sexual relationship with my wife. A couple of years ago, she expressed a desire to be dominated and we played many domination games. We both enjoyed them very much and it added alot to our sex life. Recently she has found out that I also have submissive fantasies and it has significantly damaged our sex life. She cannot accept that I can enjoy being both dominant and submissive and it is a real turn off for her. I am not asking her to fulfill my submissive fantasies and would just like to return to our previously great sex life but she seems unable to accept it. Has anyone else had this problem? Are other women truly happy with a female dominant relationship?

You are what is called a “switch” - able to enjoy either role in D/s. Sadly some people find this offputting.

1) They find it confusing. Because they have only one desire within themselves they cannot understand how another can span a range. Bisexual people face some of this prejudice.

2) Fear: she maybe afraid that you’ll suddenly try to force her to act out a dominant role. Or even leave her - if only temporarily - for a dominant woman.

3) Some submissive people can only deal in simple black and white - “archetypes” if you will. In admitting that you can enjoy submitting you no longer match her idealized image of a Dom.

I’m reluctant to advise someone to be pushy. But perhaps if you behave in a strongly dominant, demanding fashion you can help her restore her feelings of submission when with you. And I mean outside of D/s play. This is risky I’ll admit. But it sounds as if you don’t take a chance or two your marriage may be at an end sexually.

Sure, plenty of women are very happy in their dominance.

hi ya dont really no were to start

my boyfriend has told me he wants to be dominated by me weve done the whole hand cuffs and blind fold stuff but he says he want to take it futher and to be honest ive no idea wat to do so any help would be nice please xxx

Kirsty,

Hard to generalize: different men have different desires.

Often we want to go faster and deeper than our female partner, especially if she’s new to this form of play. That is from having fantasies for years before finding a woman willing to try it.

I’ve been there and even though I have a loving relationship still am sometimes: have silly cravings she doesn’t want to mess with. But I love her so that is OK.

Get him to tell you his fantasies and try to see which you are most comfortable with and focusing on trying those. Hopefully you’ll find yourself enjoying it more and more as you see the pleasure it gives him. And remind him that if he pushes too hard he might cause you to decide that you don’t want to explore BDSM anymore.

I think Clauia Varrin’s three books (on Amazon) on sensual female dominance well worth reading. Or at least think about getting The New Topping Book for yourself and The New Bottoming Book for him.

If you have more specific questions let me know and I’ll see what I can suggest.

Remember: the idea is for both people to have fun.

hi Richard thank you for the wonderful information in this area. i am a stealth submissive househusband who is practicing chastity - no touching, cooking, cleaning, shopping, appointments, driving etc. any suggestions on the delicate transfer to real are appreciated.

Take a look at femdomromance.com - there is a section on introducing D/s.

I’ve seen a lot of blogs of femdom/malesub, and maledom/femsum, but my search for a gay male bondage blog has thus far failed. Can you reccomend any to me?

Sorry for my tardiness in responding. I used to look for them myself. They few I found were inactive. I’m sure they are out there somewhere - possibly on Live Journal.

I find the you that you present on this blog so utterly charming and insightful it makes me gooey. I have all kinds of questions i think the someone you sound like you are might be able to help with. In the interest of getting at least one articulated though, I’ve done some triage and come up with this: My sexual history and what I gather about yours are really quite different in many ways. I was first committed to and then married to the same woman for about half my life… I’m a little over 40 now. She wasn’t especially dominant, first time we had any version of “the talk” in fact, very early on, the problem was we both were angling to be the sub. (this seems a much more common outcome to having the first talk than the more commonly cited “she was disgusted by my perversion,” yet I almost never see it mentioned… is my sense wrong or have i just missed it where it’s been discussed, or am i probably right?) Over the years most of our marriage and most of our sex was NOT D/s nor did it include any SM… but it was lusty and creative and interesting.

But over time, we did begin to explore the D/s and less the SM aspects I’ve craved since I was in Pre-K. We started mildly, and over time went further afield, exploring places I’d never really imagined we’d do more than talk about.

The problem was that there was a nasty and abusive side to our relationship… never came out in our BDSM play particularly strongly though.

I don’t want to color her as some especially wicked human, but our chemistry was founded on some really mixed up ideas of “self” and “love” that we had when we were in our late-teens/early-twenties, and as we each grew the foundation provided a toxic setup.

I won’t bother to list the ways in which this toxicity became manifest, and I maintain that she was only half of the dyad that made it possible… yet I ended up damaged.

She never struck me, but the slowburn long-term pattern of our dance created a dynamic in which I became isolated from my freinds and support network, from any faith in my own intuition or instinct, from any reliable feeling of positive self-regard. This was not fast, it wasn’t dramatic, but it was no less devestating for its gentle subtley.

And now I find I’m less orgasmic than I have ever been. While there was a period of time before our divorce when we could have hot intercourse and I would simply fail to achieve orgasm, that passed before the final axe fell on the union.

Now, with a hot sweet sexy kind rambunctious new lover - we found each other some 12 months or so after the divorce and have been seeing each other for a few months - I find this problem has returned. I had thought maybe it was a subconscious “withholding” from the ex-wife, rooted in an anger I had a hard time admitting was there.

The current lover, a singularly patient woman and a remarkably - um - talented sex partner… I surely have no anger with her. But perhaps its self-protection, a deep fear? The ex-wife was an actress, and i’m not sure how concious her acts to destroy vital parts of my psyche may have been …

I suspect only concious insofar as our pahts diverged and anger and fear came in to poison the ground we stood on as a couple, she was trying to protect herself and express her own rage in ways that she would not find ego dystonic… she couldn’t tolerate herself if she raised her voice too often, that kind of thing.

I see a therapist, and have for a long, long time. She’s insightful and supportive.

But she’s not a guy who can reveal his own story - his own clues that may help me to return to cumming when I feel all those stimuli and all those rushes of sensation that tell me I’m going to.

Any sage words? Even a line of sympathy might do me some good….

We overlap more than you might think. I was deeply in love with someone and lived with them for several years who all but destroyed me. And it wasn’t that the love wasn’t mutual but the person’s self-destructiveness eroded my own life, including my sexuality.

I saw therapists when I was a kid. Know people who see them now. At best they are like paid friends you can talk to. That must help some people but not anybody I’ve known.

I’m currently anorgasmic. For multiple reasons I think.

1) My prior relationship left me with no expectation of an orgasm. This was because we eventually stopped having enjoyable sex and then sex at all.

2) My fantasies got too carried away. My imaginary sex life was daft and often impossible.

3) My penis is conditioned to the movements and pressure level of my hand. Much tighter and more forceful than another’s body can provide.

Since I am in a partly D/s relationship and my lover can enjoying denying me I’m going to be undergoing a period of enforced chastity. I won’t be able to have an orgasm until I beg to.

It may be worth pointing out that many people engage in orgasm control play without otherwise being involved in BDSM. Women can enjoy the control and both people enjoy the intense sex that follows when the period of chastity ends.

This is my own attempt at a solution. Don’t know that it offers you anything of value at all.

But I do know how you feel in not being able to share an orgasm with her.

Hi Richard

I have been approached by several people - both heterosexual men and those who wish me to call them Sissys’ - who wish me to Dominate them.

I have no problem with this as I am quite a dominant person in my real life and feel comfortable with this. Having said that though, these men apparently ‘worship’ me, mostly calling me Mistress or Goddess. I have never seen or met them, but they have either seen, or are members of, my website and I post on many, many forums on the WWW.

The ‘problem’ that I have is that these men, for the greater part, live overseas and wish for the D/s roles to be played out via emails - Remote Domination.

Obviously, when face-to-face there wouldn’t really a problem as I would see my orders being carried out, but how do I KNOW that I am being obeyed when my wishes are sent through emails?

How do I know that these people aren’t just ‘playing’ with me and wasting my time? I am aware of a couple of things that I can get them to do where only I know the correct answers, but

1) How can I be sure my orders/punishments are being carried out?

2) I need more ideas for punishments etc?

3) How can I reward them?

I look forward to your response.

With long distance virtual domination a webcam is pretty much a must. That way you can order them to do things that you can watch via their cam and see that they are actually complying.

I think that aside from that judging their sincerity is probably a matter of experience.

If you look on the right site of my site you’ll see that in my Archives there is a punishments section. The possibilities are endless from washing their mouths out with soap to …

In many long distance female dominant relationships being allowed to have an orgasm is a common reward. But for a really submissive man simply being praised can be a very powerful reward.

These are the thoughts that come to mind off the top of my head. Let me know if I can help some more.

Hi Richard

Thanks for your quick response, and I have taken on board all that you have said. I shall have a good read of the relevant section :o)

Now, another question. I am interested in Shibari and doing photoshoots in this style for my site. The thing is - with all these laws coming in about BDSM and all things that go with it I have decided to portray it as an art form as opposed to Bondage.

Is there any way that you can see that will enable me to avoid the long arm of the law - so that my site will not be closed down and my being prosecuted etc?

I appreciate that there is probably a very fine line between this kind of ‘art form’ and what the ‘do-gooders’ consider to be BDSM.

Perhaps there is some kind of wording I can put on the site that emphasizes the fact that the Shibari I will be doing is ART and nothing else?

Regards xxx

In the US the main thing is having a statement signed by any model that authenticates that she is of legal age. No idea about the UK. (Don’t really know the full detail of what has been happening over there though I’ve read about it.)

My overall impression is that sites that focus on bondage don’t have nearly the legal problems those that display more hardcore images do.

Sounds as if you already know what to do. Present it as a part of Japanese culture. As long as there’s nothing degrading about the presentation or underage models I think you will be as safe as you possibly can be.

Thanks again Richard.

We don’t need a 2257 at the moment, although proof of the relevant documentation is already there. It’s a solo site (just me) although there are guest galleries from sites that do hold 2257’s.

It has already been intimated that if any sites that my site (or any site) links to, should they contain any BDSM/Child/Rape/Animal etc images, we can also be prosecuted. The changes in the laws are becoming ridiculous now - next we’ll have to get permission to breathe!!

Your advice has been really helpful and I thank you once again. xx

My mistress has instructed me to find her a source of information and advice for her to enhance her dominant role and my submissive role. We are fairly new to this lifestyle and would like advice on behavior, punishment (although she has specified no pain), and practicing our roles in public. If it pleases, you may reach us at lowlyonne@yahoo.com. Thank You in advance for your help.

I’m a switch, and my lover is sexually dominant. That’s been working out so far but we’ve decided to do the monogamy thing and I find myself wanting to tie someone up and have some sadistic fun. We’re so compatible outside of that that I’m not going to walk away over it but my domme side is going hungry.

I know this is an uncommon request but how would you recommend tempting a vanilla-to-dominant man into the other side of D/s? He probably would never be more than slightly submissive but I’d love it if he was willing to try bottoming.

Some couples do allow one member to engage in BDSM with others with certain rules intact, .e.g., no kissing.

Some people can compartmentalize their sexuality.

I’d think getting him to let you put him into light bondage would be a good opener.

Some highly romantic men are happy to turn acts like getting coffee or running an errand into an act of service.

Some dominant men can actually enjoy some level of pain even though they never act submissive during sensation play.