Achieving the Slave State

I wrote yesterday of Alexandra's wanting to get more readily and fully into the role of Domina. I also wonder how I can achieve the slave state.

Part me says that is up to her. But that isn't fair or realistic.

Not that I'd do anything but comply when she asserts control. But simple compliance isn't what either of us wants of me. My surrender must be deeper than the surface. To worship her whether she is being cruel or kind.

Back in the days when D/s was just a series of fantasy images I often thought of the dominant giving me ten strokes with a cane or lash at the beginning each time we met. A clear statement of roles. But really that was my hunger for brutality; not sure if it would work in real life.

I'm never happier than when I'm licking her boots. My boot worship is too important to risk it becoming routine. Not that I can really imagine it becoming so. Should there be formal boot service when we begin?

More realistically I need to get more rest. While I'm greatly interested in the emotional states I might realize if we were to play while I'm exhausted being merely tired isn't strong enough to have a good effect.

My suspicion is that our long stretch without her dominance and my submission may have caused me to bury that part of myself in the back of my mind. Now that I think we'll be engaging in D/s more frequently again that in itself will probably be enough to sweep off the sawdust and let me express more fully my slavish side.

I think she'll be using bondage more as an instrument of control. Actual powerlessness can't help but make me feel more a slave.

She seems interested in having me do more degrading things and explore my limits. That should certainly work some magic on my mind.

Just a few speculations. If anyone wandering this way has any suggestions they'll certainly be appreciated.