Ask Me Anything

I have actually found myself wondering, over the past few days, how old you are.

I am perhaps somewhat ageist, but this is a piece of information that I find very useful in general when dealing with people.

It’s always interesting to know what people do for a living, but of course you’ve told us that you work with books.

I’ve seen Alexandra’s pics, where are yours? Maybe you should post a pic of you and Alexandra in action or something, caricaturish. Heeheehee.

R,

I’ve owned a used bookshop for about twenty years.

Pinay,

No pictures of me until I’ve lost weight.

Alexandra and I have talked about producing a short clip or two some day. So you never know.

How much time do you spend on your blog? Are the two of you monogamous? How do you keep this site focused on the subjects without alot of trash talk? Thanks again for this thought provoking site.

Time spent on the weblog? Assuming you mean writing entries most of them take ten or fifteen minutes. Some an hour. Depends on how much energy I put into spellchecking, cleaning up syntax and trying to make what I’m saying clear and individual. Sometimes I’m sloppy and lazy.

We’re monogamous. Polyamory I respect but am not evolved enough for. Cuckolding doesn’t interest me a particle. I’m not capable of infidelity.

The site is just focused on what interests me. I’m sure it could get a little trashy were I in a certain mood.

Richard,

I’m an extreme Dom in the world of BDSM. I recently had a conversation with a long time female Domme about the topic of switching (going back and forth from Dom to sub). I told her that there was no way that this would ever be possible for me to do with my type of personality. I had never experienced any submissive thoughts. I can’t remember her exact words, but in just two or three sentences, she nearly brought me to my knees. I didn’t feel struck down or dominated but it was just an incredibly sensual feeling that came over me. She knew exactly the right words to use, right buttons to push. It was all psychological. I probably won’t have the opportunity to ever speak to her again. She’s the first person ever able to do something like that to me. Do you think this is something I should pursue? This has got me very confused and I would like to hear about it from your perspective. Will you send me a personal response via email? I just happened to find this site while looking for information on another subject you might help with.

There are plenty of switches out there.

I do have a dominant component. Though I barely remember it is there. I have no desire to bring it out in my current relationship.

As a dominant you are probably more attuned to the power of personality than the average person. Your response might have come from that sensitivity. You might call it a sort of aesthetic response.

Or it may have shown that buried inside is someone who could enjoy surrendering. Of course there are things we enjoy imagining that would be emotionally bad for us to actually try to realize.

A simple exercise would be to close your eyes and imagine scenarios with you on the bottom. Do the images incite hunger? That would give you some answer.

If something about your sexuality leaves you feeling uncertain I don’t think there’s any doubt that clearing up your confusion is a must.

It sounds as if you are experienced and are involved in your local fetish scene. I’m sure there are dominant women who, if approached honestly, would be glad to help you explore this so you can have peace of mind.

hello I have an interesting question.. If Gynarchy ever succeeds, would The women rullers have all newborn males circumcised? I’m curious to know what their views are on this topic?

What would a hypothetical group do after an unlikey event?

Should such a totalitarian state emerge foreskin isn’t likely to be your most pressing concern.

Hello,

Before I ask my question, it is perhaps best if I told you a bit about myself. I am in my late teens and I am female. I have had no sexual experiance of any kind and so far have led a very ”normal” life. One day during an innocent session of chat room hopping I came across a charming young man who, (after a few hours of chatting)told me about S&M and claimed he was would loved to be used by me. Although I was apprehensive at first, I agreed and we had a session of sorts online. He was very patient, talked me through everything and answered all my questions. He is, obviously, not new to the lifesyle; in fact he credits many years and experiances of S&M. Me on the otherhand am completly new to all this…so much so Im at a loss at how to be a good mistress. I have read up a lot online (your website etc) but as yet have not had a proper face to face session.

He talks of submitting to me completly. No role playing or anything…an actaul full time slave (bar important appointments etc). He has fully submitted to me. How do I deal with this? He is such a nice guy.,and sometimes I have a hard time being horrible to him.

My second question deals with my inner conflict. My friends, my family and my lifestyle in general are not compatible with such activity…but I do enjoy it. I just want to know if I can be a mistress as well as s ”normal” student.

Thank you for your time.

X

When Alexandra has been nominally horrible to me it has left me elated and serene. Giving pleasure, fulfilling another’s needs is never bad.

You can learn plenty about BDSM on the web but still books can be better. I recommend anything by Pat Califia, Claudia Varrin or Janet Hardy. Midori’s Wild Side Sex is a good exploration of the psychology and aesthetics of erotic dominance.

A couple of caveats:

You’ve never met the guy. Some men baulk when it finally comes to try living their fantasies in real life. They are more confused than dishonest (or rather they aren’t able to be honest with themselves). This often leaves women confused, wondering if they did something wrong. Not at all.

If you do try something don’t expect yourself to be perfect. Dominance is something you grow into. Everybody has a learning curve.

Plenty of people who engage in BDSM are fulltime students or have absorbing professional careers. Just a matter of allocating time properly.

Very few kinky people tell their family and vanilla friends about their fetish life. It can be nearly impossible to overcome their prejudices.