Begging (Provisional Note)

I enjoyed making my pet beg. It was something he hated, mostly, I think, because he wasn’t good at it. He too felt his desires weren’t relevant.

Mine were.

And one of those was to hear him beg.

It’s not about doing something because he begs for it. It’s about making him beg. What he begs for is almost irrelevant.

Here is an explanation I wrote for him. I offer it now to you.

My perspective.

What is the purpose of begging?

• To humble oneself; inspire humility in oneself, and/or to convey the degree of this humility to another.
• To convey the depth of one’s need/want/frustration
• To evoke pity; mercy or amusement (careful!) at the degree of one’s subjection in another (see above)

Begging because you’ve been ordered to is something I’m still not really able to get my mind fully around. Probably because I can’t visualize it clearly, not because I wouldn’t obey.

Being told to beg to do something you don’t really want to do I can grasp. As when aspirant was made to beg to drink a large glass of her piss.

Begging for pity or mercy I do get. We haven’t been there yet. I do wait for the day when pain or something else will find me unable to not beg her to stop or release me.

I finally did manage to realize that I could beg her to take control of me. Have to confess that will take lots of strength from me. I almost did that last night but a blunder on my part marred our evening.

I mentioned begging briefly in my latest entry. It can certainly be a turnon for me.

Begging for mercy? Hmm. This is not something I’ve ever lusted to have someone do, to be honest.

If someone begged me for mercy, I would probably just laugh. Of course, some submissives would consider this a positive reaction.

Making someone scream, growl, or cry? Yes. (I think I could emotionally handle the last. I hope so; it is something I want. I have made a man cry in frustration, and rather enjoyed it. From the pain, not yet. Rather a frightening amount of power there.)

What I like best about begging is similar to the statement by Aspirant: it forces the one begging to admit that yes, he wants this…or alternatively, that he is willing to humble/abase himself that much. I get a distinctly sexual charge from exerting that sort of power over someone.

I have made a man beg for sexual release. I find the sound of want or desperation in a man’s voice very sweet. I find humiliating a man that way very sweet.

I have made a man beg for cruelties of various sorts. The man in question wanted to be hurt; I wanted to be amused and I wanted to make him verbally crawl for the vicious treat he wanted. I wanted him to do something that was difficult for him which I enjoyed.

I’m not expecting to convert you to my way of thinking, merely attempting to explain.

Don’t worry I didn’t think you were trying to convert me.

Surprisingly begging had never really crossed my mind in a conscious way and it is taking me a bit of time to get my mind around what it means to different people.

If someone begged me for mercy, I would probably just laugh. Of course, some submissives would consider this a positive reaction.

Guilty as charged.

Making someone scream, growl, or cry?

Haven’t been there yet. Alexandra is beginning to fear that to get something like that out of me would require dangerous physical force.

I have a hypothetical recipe that might push me past that barrier safely enough. A prolong whipping focusing on a safe range like the upper thighs to the lower buttocks that starts with the lighter instruments until she’s only using something like the single tail or leather cowboy quirt (possibly a cane, uncertain about repeated heavy use of that on a small region). You have far more experience than we do - what do you think.

Ball crushing, as aspirant testified in an old entry, would probably work. But that doesn’t interest her and would take much practice. Or possibly a long session with nipple clamps.

I’m still trying to see if begging for something specific is something I can do without violating how our interaction works. And really when she has me down I’m never thinking about wanting to be tormented in some way. Just doing what she wants. When she takes me my normal fluent self becomes almost inarticulate. I’d probably find it hard to repeat my street address.

Right now the closest I can imagine coming is begging to take me as her property and do whatever she wants.

As far as making a man scream, growl, or cry—

I have much less experience than I would like.

I only ever made my pet cry once while we were together, by teasing him with something he wanted very badly, and not letting him have it. This was done remotely; we weren’t even in the same state at the time. (Unlike the men in so many of the on-line journals, what he wanted so badly wasn’t an orgasm, but a particular kind of pain. But I digress.)

I have had better luck making men growl. My husband growls when I apply coldwax to his chest and pull hair out by the roots. I can’t remember what made my pet growl. Some of the noises he made when I cut him, or applied something to fresh cuts (lemon juice; salt) resulted in very satisfactory sound effects. I am told that for most people, the simple rubbing alcohol used to sterilize the cuts afterwards suffices.

I wouldn’t recommend using a cane repeatedly in the same spot, unless you want to break the skin. If the welts were applied with much force, if you cross them, they will bleed.

I have no experience with ball crushing and very little with clamps.

One of the sexiest things my pet ever did for me was ask me to cane him. He had very little experience with the cane, but had decided before I ever used it on him that he feared and hated it. He was very nearly ill the first time I used it on him (more due to dread than anything else).

He knew, however, that it’s one of my favorite implements. (It’s a very formal instrument; it marks beautifully; it’s easy to wield; the sound effects are lovely; and the subject asks for each stroke. Much there to love.)

So anyway, after he’d had his first taste of it, I was driving us somewhere, and he asked me, please, to cane him again. It was still something he hated. But he wanted to endure it for me.

It sounds so simple, written out. But I found it very moving. I had some trouble staying in my lane.

As for whether begging would work for you given where you go when she uses you, naturally, I don’t know.

Personally, making a man carry on a conversation, or answer questions that require a philosophical bent (“what is need?”) when he is on the verge of incoherence amuses me greatly. But it might drive you out of the slave mind you and Aspirant speak of.

Alexandra’s canes I love and hate.

I found myself having to ask her to moderate her uses of them. I still have conflicted feelings about having done that.

It wasn’t the suffering, which was bad enough. But on the following day parts of my body felt traumatized. Not pain but in some really weird way wrong. I’ve never been able to sort it out.

One of the things I like about the single tail whip and cowboy quirt is that they can really hurt but don’t leave me with the confusing feelings the next day.

I do wish I knew what it was all about so I could get past it if that is possible.

When Alexandra takes me down I don’t think I’m able to say anything more complicated than “I’m sorry Goddess.” If she were to ask me a complicated question I’d probably just look at her baffled. I get tongue tied even just asking to lick her boots.

This subject was a point of contention with Mistress.She wondered why I didn’t moan,scream,cry or cry out,or even ask her to stop.I react to things by going inside.She has ordered me to scream but it just sounded empty,however I do a really great dog bark.She now waits until that day I break,and beg really beg for mercey.I still have a covering of macho I can’t remove myself.We all can take our cloths off but we aren’t completely naked.She now has that unspoken goal to remove all of my protections and see me broken and ashamed.I want to be naked but this is something out of my control.This part of our journey is physical,and emotional.We have no safe words other then please stop,I have not reached that point.This is not a game and we risk real shame and hurt.I know she will love me broken,but somehow I’m still afraid.The day I break and feel the shame of failure,she may crush me with words of discust to break all that is remaining.The hope is that she then will see me,really see me and pick me up and want me even more.I look forward to that day but I also dread it like nothing I can imagine.Somethings we can rush,but somethings will happen when they happen.

My tolerance for pain surprised both of us. It is one thing to have fantasies, quite another to actualize them.

I’m by nature stoic: accepting of fate. This carries over into S&amp:M even though I wish it didn’t. And, to be fair to her, she’s always careful and caring even when whipping me.

I can’t honestly say I’m wholly clear on how Alexandra feels nowadays about my not having reached a point where I involuntary beg her to stop.

I feel that if I could reach that point that I might experience a sort of ecstasy.

Will that ever happen? I don’t know.

I don’t want my own - possibly foolish - craving to force her to inflict more physical damage than she is comfortable with.

Something for me to discuss with her some time.

The subject is a hard one to talk about because of possible expectations or goals.Mistress may or maynot have in mind to take me to that point.She has two ways to look at it;I can endure as much as I choose,or I can surrender.She knows what true injury is and how to prevent it.She however knows what causes pain without injury.She now asks,”Are you injured slave?This is not to see if I can endure it,but if I am being injured.Her worries about injury are gone, and now she is free to enjoy my discomfort.I am able to reasure her of my condition.The play gets very intense and I endure things I can’t imagine.The endorphine levels get in the way of my judgement with some play and Mistress is skilled in changing types of input.Once she noticed I was at that place that I wanted her worst,meaning the really stingy stuff like canes,the tawse,or the rubber flogger, which would probably caused injury.However she gave me her worst by rubbing ben-gay on my red ass then wispered in my ear,”deal with it slave.”The next hour was intense as hell,but I was not injured.The hood and gag blocked my muffled pleadings.I hoped she had not heard them,and she did not say she did.Things changed a little that day.

My former pet was very proud of being a stoic.

Part of his mission, as he saw it, was “to shut the fuck up and take it.”

I will not comment.

My responsibility I feel is to be as authentic in my responses as possible. The stoicism is just ingrained. It can keep me too much within myself. At worst it can make an experience something to be tolerated until it ends. No real pleasure for anybody in that.

The risk of being treated unfair is the real place submission lives for myself.I do say the risk because it is possible to be taken advantage of by the one in control.I submitted to her because of her charactor.This is confusing because we have no checklist,preset limits,or rules.She could hurt or abuse me and in time this would matter,but right now there are no limits.She goes in and out of the lines which makes it the ride of my life.I have found bending my will is much different then putting up with things.I can’t understand the complete dynamics but it works for us.