Boundaries & Limits
» My Inner Life
Alexandra and I will be exploring letting our kink life extend into times when we aren’t acting out a scene.
This makes me as wary as it excites me. As much as I trust our mutual clarity, love and intelligence there’s always that tiny fear - admittedly I’m a worrywart - that it might somehow go amiss.
So I’m probing myself, digging down into my mind seeking to honestly weigh my flexibility and range. Not that any real truth can emerge prior to our real-time explorations.
I decided to go have a look at the fetish checklist I sent her not long after we first starting talking about D/s. Had I addressed quotidian issues? No. But there was a surprise.
My list was derived from a few others. They listed domestic service, chores, that sort of thing. They were so outside my range that instead of marking them “No” that I excised them.
Having left home many years ago I’ve long done most if not all of my own housecleaning and the like. I can’t imagine eroticizing the experience anymore than I can going to my job.
Oddly on and off during the years I actually tried to fantasize about household service. Never managed to. In a way it seems obvious but I’m just plain dead to it.
Likewise I think I took out massages. Yes, I know, that is a common D/s service.
For me giving a massage is pure romantic bliss. And I like keeping some of my sexuality outside of BDSM. With massages I think my fear was that if I allowed it to become part of D/s then my sometimes treacherous brain would remove it from the tender, chivalrous sphere. Since I spend most of my time outside of D/s I’d give far fewer massages.
(Though should we ever try a weekend within strict D/s protocol all of the above might have to go out the window.)
Those are clean, easy distinctions.
I still don’t have a clear conception of my capacities out of play as we’ve done it so far. S&M will be easiest: it can be enhanced by roles but doesn’t require them.
But my fretful pettifogging brain wonders how much I can explore various submissive states and how much I’ll really need to be my primary self.
I guess we’ll find out soon and report.
To what degree other folks have done similar? It seems like most couples are either strictly lifestyle or do only play sessions. Possibly because blurring boundaries can be tricky. .
