Clothes Don't Make the Domme

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Sadomasochistic chic?

Woman in leather outfit.
Movie Sterotype

The female equestrian outfit does bring out the boot licker in me. Oddly it is the detail of the pants being tucked into the boots that seems to do it.

There’s nothing like a riding crop and tall pair of boots to make a man sit up and take notice of what you’re wearing.

The vaguely S&M reference - OK, not so vaguely - of a woman in control has its roots in the wardrobe of history’s mounted soldier. It didn’t take long for girls to want to get on the horse. And back when chicks still had to ride side-saddle, they soon developed a lust for the take-the-reins clothes as well. This is what power dressing looked like in the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries.


Domina garb they say is back:

Historically, high status has always been symbolised by wearing uncomfortable clothes - it denotes that we don’t do manual jobs.’ And while no one did it quite like Donatella, there are plenty of other designers to have turned to the fetish clubs for inspiration.

Alex Bilmes, features director at GQ, is definitely a fan. ‘I think Kylie looked sexy as hell in her rubber dress,’ he says. ‘There’s no two ways about it, fetish fashion is a huge hit with men. It sells a fantasy of sexual availability but, depending on who’s wearing it and how, it can be very glamorous, too.’

Designers go wild for fetish fashion

Hottie in leather and cap.
Gratuitous image (Like the hat.)

Kylie! … oops …

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Harking back to the source of things – youth – what were women wearing that caught my eye.

Girls in go go boots and miniskirts. The original fad of hot pants.

Back then layers of erotic self-suppression were dropping away and females presented more of their skin for the enjoyment – and unkinky enslavement – of boys and men. There was a swing back with midi and maxi skirts (both of which I liked almost as much as the preceding).

The classic white miniskirt with matching tight top and go go boots remain an icon of female sensuality for me. There was something so fresh and cheerful in the look. True of most male and female mod styles.

Asian-american domina
Incomparable Midori

Until Alexandra I never gave much thought to women’s clothing. The woman that I lived with for five years wore jeans, flannel shirts and either tennis shoes or Army boots: comfortable and functional. I never asked her to dress sexy anymore than I did to shave her legs.

Now I often look closely at what women wear. Would that look nice on Alexandra I wonder. More critically I think how she’d never commit some passing female’s aesthetic blunder. (A good place to note that: 1) I don’t think women should dress to please me; 2) I’m ignoring sexism and fashion; 3) This is strictly about me as a fetishist.)

Certainly I’ve come to relish the power of her attire in kink. Including the attire one associates with the word dominatrix. Where does it all come from I wondered.

Despite the limited distribution of John Willie’s magazines his influence may have exceeded his circulation. In contemporary marketing jargon if his readers were “influencers.”

I asked Peter Tupper who gave me some references of which I haven’t been yet able to take advantage. He pointed out that much of the stylized garb of female dominance originates in Victorian times if not earlier, e.g,., corsets.

He did agree that some of it was probably carried over from the Old Guard. Has it ever occurred to you that the garb you find so fetching in that ProDomme’s ad might derive from what gay men were wearing when they left the Army at the end of WWII?

So I won’t make any pretension of addressing the origin of ‘Femdom’ attire. Just share with you some of my clichéd responses.

Having already hymned the miniskirt it isn’t surprising that I’m dazzled when Alexandra comes out in one (like most fancy clothing she mostly wears them when we are going to focus on D/s and otherwise has on whatever is comfortable). Sometimes she dances to music, mostly it is her happiness that is seductive. A woman’s pleasure has a power that can lead to many things including a man being leashed.

What is it about fishnets? Before Alexandra I never gave them half a thought. Maybe it is that they focus your attention on her legs. Again, anything that brings her femininity to the fore is mesmerizing. And there the paradoxical appeal of something covered but not concealed.

One special evening she ordered me to kiss each interstice. Took a bit of time but it was a lovely form of adoration.

It doesn’t seem like something to which a man needs to have brought to his attention but it was Alexandra who introduced me to crop tops. Having this section of her body visible while the rest of her body is hidden is very sexy. And I’ve come to love navel worship (mostly because it is one of her erogenous spots and her wriggling in responsive pleasure is a delight).

Funnily enough it was also Alexandra that gave me a slight kink for the schoolgirl look. I remember the Catholic girls from the nearby Catholic high school back home. But it was until Alexandra said I can’t quite remember what the notion of a selfish and superficial young formed in my mind. For many guys it was probably the beginning of their D/s fantasies.

domina stereotype
Miss Cliché 1999

Alexandra has no desire to wear a police or military cap. How many women really do? I’ll admit the first time I saw one in a photo – probably Other World Kingdom - it did excite me (of course she was using the man’s mouth as an ashtray). I like it for genderfuck I think. Maybe for some men it actually implies command.

Masked domina
Not a very good mask, is it?

Masks seem to be something associated only with professional dominatrices. For me the thrill of a masked dominant is having their mood made invisible. Uncertainty is a simple enhancer of the desire to please. And the mystery of the unseen face fits with the image of woman as Goddess. (Masks are probably too hot and uncomfortable for many women to really wish to wear.)

Boots. Are boots the essential element in a Domina’s wardrobe? (Not when her feet are tired or the boots are too hot or otherwise uncomfortable). I always liked seeing women in boots but didn’t focus on them in any special way.

Domina in boots

Until Alexandra. She has a strong erotic connection with her feet and what she puts on them. For me her boots and shoes have become a medium of adoration. With boots and certain kinds of heels there’s no escaping the sheer power. Anyone who has read this site for long knows how happy I am when allowed to kiss them, ordered to lick them. Sometimes she walks around and I crawl after her striving to touch her boots with my tongue. Even when it is strenuous and she’s demanding this is for me very real happiness.

Aside from ‘hottie’ attire I’m really content if she’s wearing a long, plain skirt. I can’t guess why because I can’t match it with anything in my past but a simple skirt that drops below the knees has much authority. I want to bow my head and be thankful.

And I was very thankful the night she wore pants tucked into her boots. Again it is a look that captures my desire to obey.

Strong stylization often enhances the woman’s – admittedly as object – sex appeal. Merely giving female sexual power distinctive shapes must be a bit of the appeal of dominatrix drag. After all some garments – say corsets – are equally popular among dominant and submissive women. Likewise high heels can make a woman seem stronger but a woman who puts up with the discomfort to please her Master is wearing them as tokens of submission.

While my mind now seems like a museum of archetypal clothing little of it preceded my relationship with Alexandra. I’ve always liked fripperies: chokers, kerchiefs, entertaining small objects that decorate the wearer. On boys as well as women. And without any thoughts of power exchange.

I like for my lover to look good: the better she feels about her appearance the more readily she’ll feel like putting me down on my knees.

The clothing isn’t essential to our D/s play. But it does add to the fun.


Honey, I’m glad you notice all these things :)

I like fishnets because they seem to enhance the suggestion of endlessness in the legs, by repeating a small pattern over and over again. I hesitate to say they seem to suggest an infinite plane, upon which an explorer may get lost :)

Of course the main reasons you have already mentioned, and certainly the half-revealed-and-half-not state is a theme that ranks very highly in terms of erotic ideas.

Many boots are actually very comfortable for hours, though those are the ones that are usually borderline fetish/streetwear.

I think I’ll pass on the masks though we could try shades.

I’ve acquired two items of fetish clothing in the UK: The asymmetric military jacket (which I modelled BADLY somehow!) and a nice fitting pair of leather ‘pants’ (as you guys say..) which are a teeny bit short in the legs i.e. I’ll probably be forced to wear boots with them.

Oh well :)

Thanks for the cite.

As you observed, fetish fashion often cuts both ways, suggesting both the disdain for practicality of an aristocrat and the decorative and vulnerable aspect of a servant.

For more reading, see David Kunzle’s “Fashion & Fetishism” and Valerie Steele’s “Fetish”

If Clothes Don’t Make the Domme, why all S&M clubs insist upon dress code?

Clothes, alone, Don’t Make the Domme. But they certainly increase the effectiveness of the image and emphasize the power of Her superiority.

Without question, the Domme Who can control Her male whilst She lounges in a warm-up suit or loose dungarees is a strong dominant force. So can a Woman Who never needs a whip to impose Her will on Her submissive slave.

But it’s so much more fun to know that She is irresistably beautiful when She tempts him wiwth Her unattainable charm. And a little pain will always help focus Her boy’s suffering and remind Her that She doesn’t have to endure the whip.

… boot licker

Clothes may make the Domme, however a woman who once owned my submissive side trained me in her philosophy of clothes making the sub! Essentially, she loved the strict appearance of severely tailored uniforms, suits and ties, tuxedos, and the like. She also insisted on my wearing corsets not for any other reason than reminding me of my place and enforcing proper posture. I can go on and on here, but the point of my writing is to offer this unique perspective. By the way, I am completely obsessed with formality now! The thought of putting up with stiff, formal clothing for the pleasure of women is very erotic to me - something that I hadn’t considered before serving the previous owner!

For me as a submissive man, clothing is essential. I love gender role reversal. My ideal domme is a beautiful young woman that looks feminine and strong at the same time, wearing a short black leather jacket and tall mean boots over her jeans. She would make me wear a pink g-string or nothing at all and this would give me an enormous feeling of submissiveness and humiliation. A girl like that would have total control over me.

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