Femdom From Outer Space!
» My Inner Life
What is truth? said jesting Pilate, and would not stay for an answer. Certainly there be, that delight in giddiness, and count it a bondage to fix a belief; affecting free-will in thinking, as well as in acting.
- Francis Bacon
Dominant women from the planet Gynosupremus bombard Earth with man enslaving Femdomonic particles. No more silly thoughts from you they say.
As Alexandra noted her return to be home with me, which was deferred, from this month until December has been rescheduled to January.
It is always like a stab - not of her fingernails - each time our reunion is delayed. But I’m OK.
I’ve been so caught up in work that the house has been damnably neglected. It gives me time for that and more time for physical exercise both of which will make her time back in the US happier.
The worst part for me is self-doubt.
Many of my more personal notes here are me probing, weighing, evaluating myself. To a stranger I have no idea how much of it may seem self-obsessed and either neurotic or strangely finicky. It is my nature and for the most part I’m happy to be this way.
I can also be fairly adaptable, flexible, mercurial, or just plain randomized. My sense of myself peers back and me with sly cool mockery: how do I think I can know myself? Am I even the same person from week to week?
Similarly perception of my longings, needs, desires, appetites, capabilities shifts with sometimes wearisome caprice. I get confused.
Can I really make promises that I’ll live up to?
Are my expectations fixed enough to try to match them with another’s?
I don’t want to be a hypocrite or even an unconscious sham.
Good intentions are noble things: but not sufficient unto themselves.
These are the fears that bedevil me with Alexandra away. I know, I’m being a bit of a ninny fretting too much about “authenticity.”
Don’t get me wrong; my worries may darken a few hours here during our separation. I have too much self-respect, resiliency and things that I enjoy to let this weigh me too heavily.
Had I lived in the time of scholasticism I’d probably have been some sort of pettifogging moral theologian.
Cheers! (Now go back and look at the funny movie poster up top. I have no idea what the film was about.
Comments
It’s funny, just now I was having similar doubts about ‘authenticity’. As I feel my role as your sexual leader grow I wonder if I can live up to the tasks at hand.
I guess if it’s enjoyable then there’s no need to worry. I think we’re beyond the stage where a mistake is anything other than a crease to be ironed out by talking.
Lots of love xxx
p.s. I hope you /are/ going to use at least some of this time wisely :)
Posted by: Alexandra | November 20, 2006 6:13 PM
Just being separate for so long makes me unsure of my bearings. And we both have such high expectations for when you are next back home.
So I sometimes worry about living up to those expectations.
Oh, very wisely, was just looking at dog cages … :)
Posted by: Richard | November 20, 2006 6:21 PM
Me too. I think the way to go is to act like the work has been done.
And I’m hoping we now have a total safety net for anything going wrong. If that’s the case then what is the worst that can happen?
Posted by: Alexandra | November 20, 2006 6:26 PM
One night you said something like “You know we both want it.” I don’t quite remember the context but it has stuck in my mind ever since. And it is one “affirmation” that I’m going to try to never forget if I’m feeling blocked or hesitant.
We’re in love, intelligent and never made the mistake of failing to communicate. I don’t see any disasters.
Posted by: Richard | November 20, 2006 6:33 PM
(Now go back and look at the funny movie poster up top. I have no idea what the film was about.
The last couple of posters reminded me of the interest I had in older Sci-fi books, especially the trashier ones from the 50’s. Although written before my time, the artwork always fueled my adolescent fantasies. Bondage, tight shiny clothing, unusual predicaments in which someone needs to be rescued… Oh my, I’m getting the vapors even as I write this.
Tom Allen The Edge of Vanilla
Posted by: Tom Allen | November 21, 2006 11:03 AM
I’m always keeping my eye out at the shop for book or pulp stuff to scan but images of strong or cruel women were very rare back then. There was lots of bondage - some of it really funny like a woman in a giant test tube - but 99% of it was of females in bondage.
I do have some more old or oddball stuff I’ll be posting.
Posted by: Richard | November 21, 2006 11:54 AM
Rare? I remember the evil villainess from Flash Gordon, and several sci-fi covers had similarly attired women. You know the type - always trying to enslave the hero, who at the last minute comes to his senses in order to defeat her and go back to the “girl next door” type back home.
I always thought to myself, “What an idiot.” I always wanted to be captured and tortured by the evil villainess.
Tom Allen
The Edge of Vanilla
Posted by: Tom Allen | November 21, 2006 4:09 PM