Funny Ideas : An Example
» My Inner Life
While generalizations are on my list of risky things to make that hardly means I don’t blunder into them.
Several years ago a local dominant woman told about chaining a guy naked behind the front door. Then ordered pizza. There was the small chance that the person delivering pizza might catch a glimpse of the bound man.
Aside from being impressed with the niftiness of the scenario it passed through my mind that dominant women were mostly into psychological play than gay male tops (heterosexual tops aren’t relevant to me so I don’t think about them). M/m BDSM was all about S&M.
Can’t remember if I entertained that notion for an hour or a week.
The thought was a reflection of the thinker.
For a very long time almost all of my fantasies were about pain. And strictly about other men. I more or less knew there were dominant women. But in a distant way. I knew professional dominatrices existed. Eventually I discovered that the idea of being controlled by a woman thrilled me.
- I tend to feel bad when writing about the origins of my fetish nature includes events and feelings that might make an ordinary, naοve person see their source as poor emotional health. That would be true only if my sexuality made me miserable or forced me to live an unbalanced life. My sexuality is much saner than Fox TV, food made from corn syrup solids or other elements of the lives of the majority. -
Realizing that I’d enjoy being ruled by a woman was partly born out of guilt. Feelings that I’d failed my lost lover. I became obsessed with cunnilingus fantasies, which culminated in the image of me kneeling before a woman.
In this I was swept up in being pleasing, humble rather than tortured. Images of intense female sadism happily followed.
So my speculation that F/m dealt more in emotional play than M/m was rooted in changes in myself.
I do still wonder if gay male BDSM play isn’t to some small degree more likely to involve physical sadomasochism. But that it because I’m unaware of kinky gay men who don’t seem to enjoy S&M and am aware of heterosexual women who want D/s but aren’t enamored of torturing a guy. But that can easily be dismissed as a bad sample population.
(And I do really, really wish I could find some good blogs by gay men engaged in BDSM.)
And I’m happily aware of women who smile at the thought of a guy going “Ouch!”
Anyway, one of the failures for people to get the gist of they diverse dynamics of BDSM is generalizing from a single instance and assuming everyone else shares their own erotic prejudices.
Comments
If you do find some hot M/m sites, please share. I love to watch the gay men play at the club. So hot. (A lot of them are into that leather thing and the “boy” thing and it’s all hot.)
I find that a lot of my D/s impulses are capricious, short-lived desires to do things just because I can - inflicting random small pains or making Joscelin get half-naked in the car, for instance.
But in general I’m more sadistic than I am D/s-oriented, though I like both.
Posted by: Dev | October 15, 2007 6:24 PM
I’ve mentioned my desire to discover M/m blogs and had other people ask me before over the years. No luck.
Caprice is a wonderful thing in a top.
Posted by: Richard | October 15, 2007 6:34 PM
Several years ago a local dominant woman told about chaining a guy naked behind the front door. Then ordered pizza. There was the small chance that the person delivering pizza might catch a glimpse of the bound man.
I’ve read a number of fantasies by men who find it erotic to be dressed femininely and await package delivery; the humiliation seems to be the driving force behind it.
I’m not sure I understand the “naked behind the door” motivation, though.
And, would the pizza have anchovies?
Posted by: Tom Allen | October 15, 2007 7:58 PM
You know what I think of about femininity as humiliation.
She would order whatever you liked best on pizza and eat it all herself but allow you the leftover crust, naturally.
Posted by: Richard | October 15, 2007 8:08 PM
Why would it matter if the pizza had anchovies?
I would order pineapple and sausage pizza.
Also, real purpose for commenting. I find that being capricious as a top is a fun aspect of play, but it can sometimes not work so well, such as when I initiate little things that May expects to be longer, and then I walk away from them. I have been working to balance this with steadfastness so as to make an ongoing dynamic that works consistently.
Posted by: Eileen | October 15, 2007 11:52 PM
but it can sometimes not work so well, such as when I initiate little things that May expects to be longer, and then I walk away from them.
nods
Been there. Slipping into a subspace-ish kind of area and then being jerked out of it has some of the same characteristics of, say, ruined orgasm or coiitus interruptus.
Posted by: Tom Allen | October 16, 2007 9:09 AM
I find that being capricious as a top is a fun aspect of play, but it can sometimes not work so well
In general I think Joscelin would prefer that I be more methodical and have a plan, not necessarily for any particular scene (where he sometimes encourages me to be less planful), but in a sort of general sense. But I don’t worry about it too much.
Posted by: Dev | October 16, 2007 11:08 AM
I was thinking of capriciousness mostly as an attitude. Though a sequence of brief, unanticipated acts can work fine.
For a top to be really erratic is something that would have to be agreed to in advance and be almost edge play. (Which, of course, I’d like to try.)
Posted by: Richard | October 16, 2007 11:31 AM
if you ever find any M/m BDSM blogs post them our way! (im a girl, lol, but i still find it interesting to read)
Posted by: Hobbit | October 17, 2007 10:07 AM