Images of Submission
» My Inner Life
Alexandra has been away for almost a month.
Damn -! - it seems like she was here yesterday. I guess she’s always in my heart.
Yet it seems as if she’s been gone for a year. I shan’t claim I understand it all.
What is going on in the kinky part of her devoted pet’s mind … ?
Unsurprisingly when I think of her in this context I just picture myself kneeling with my cheek pressed against her boot. No amazing fantasies. Just tender submission.
I’m not really fantasizing at all. Oh, I do a little but they are more brief reveries than the playlets of old.
These abstract images fall in two streams:
I see myself actually living as a human pet. Always collared, never sitting on furniture, eating and drinking from pet bowls. Spending much of my time in a pet run or stall waiting for attention from my owner.
Sometimes that is only being fed and watered. Others - well I am a masochist - tend toward hard use and ‘abuse.’ Occasionally the strict pet paradigm breaks and I spend hours performing a boring task like pulling up weeds.
The other stream of images is all of lifestyle D/s.
Often it is just of myself kneeling and waiting for … whatever.
Lots of personal service: bathing her, bringing drinks, food: always within a strict ritualistic way.
Performing chores like scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors.
Being quiet, pleasing and obedient.
Kneeling as she eats, sometimes throwing me a scrap. Otherwise - again - I eat from bowls on the floor.
Sometimes I’m put in a cage or closet so that I’m out of the way.
Sometimes she’s impatient and uses me roughly, punishes me for the smallest failure. But it is mostly about continuous servility and humility. Being merely used and happily so. Rewarded with permission to curl up at her feet and nap.
I’m not sure if this indicates much than an unsatisfied need for surrender.
They don’t nag at me. I’m comfortable with the feelings. Happy to know that the submissive portion of my heart lives on.
Hopefully when Alexandra returns I can express this more fully than I did last time. As she said one night when I was feeling blocked “we both want it.”
Comments
Just wanted to drop you a short note to let you know that the FLR Board has changed ownership and has a new look and somewhat new style. I would be thrilled to have you write a post there again.
Blessed be,
Goddess Aradia Owner Female-Led Relationships Board
Posted by: Goddess Aradia | July 4, 2006 2:50 PM
I used to have a lover who would travel all or most of the week. At some point I found myself having similar images, which turned into fantasies of being naked and chained to the house, or naked and wearing only a chastity device and awaiting her return.
Nothing extravagant, but they led to some nice scenes when she did return.
Posted by: Tom Allen | July 7, 2006 4:37 PM
Yeah - sigh - that sounds pretty much what passes through my mind right now.
Hopefully when she is back being able to express those feelings in real life will have made the wait worthwhile.
Posted by: Richard | July 7, 2006 4:51 PM
i like to be spanked once in a while. my wife obliges but sometimes she will continue after it starts to really sting. her hairbrush can set my bottom on fire . i have told her she will be spanked by me on her bare bottom for not stopping my punishment when told. i cant wait to get her over my knees.
Posted by: hotbot8 | July 9, 2006 10:30 AM
And what does that have to do with the topic of this entry?
Posted by: Richard | July 9, 2006 6:27 PM