Ma'am

Growing up as a lad in Savannah, Georgia Ma’am was courtesy title and indicator of respect. It was appropriate when addressing any older woman. Like giving up your bus seat to an adult woman it was part of the local culture.

It did not necessarily imply authority. It may be almost impossible to grasp this attitude nowadays: it was not been too familiar. Say, respecting a stranger’s right to distance, emotional privacy. Given the presence of brash gladhanders who act as if you should instantly become their pal on meeting there are times I almost regret the passing formal manners.

Addressing my mother or an aunt as Ma’am - best as I can dimly recall - was an acknowledgement of authority mostly when caught in some truancy or misdeed.

In discussions about possible titles for female tops Ma’am comes up fairly often. Some women find it schoolmarmish or Victorian. Others when they become involved with a guy with a background like mine find the qualities he invests in the word come to favor it.

I still sometimes call adult women, especially elderly ones Ma’am if I think they’ll like it.

I smilingly used it with a very femme male lover, occasionally changing it to “Ma’am / Sir.” (There was no D/s involved.)

With Alexandra I know I’ve used it half-ironically. But not, I think - and could easily be wrong, in any sort of scene space. What is left of the little boy could still use it quite humbly.

(I’m still mulling over some of the options that passed through my mind in my prior entry about honorifics.)

Earlier: BDSM Scenes, Titles : Aesthetics & Sincerity