Meta-Orgasms

How normal within my particular abnormality this is I can’t hazard. I’ve read a fair number of stories where the slave is rewarded with an orgasm at the end. And others where he’s kept chaste.

Being anorgasmic during D/s is one way in which I disappoint Alexandra. So I’d like to overcome it. Given the involuntary nature of some parts of sexuality I’m not going to say anything meaninglessly optimistic. Such a change will come from within, seemingly of its own accord or not at all.

I know my erection has failed me likewise during D/s, though only once or twice. Subjecting me to one of the most fundamental forms of shame. Slightly ironic: shame is part of what I crave but not in an inappropriate manner.

That S&M doesn’t give me an orgasm isn’t something that that bothers me. (At least for myself, naturally I always wish to please my beloved).

Rather it doesn’t give me a physical orgasm. Special moments often contain small mental orgasms. And once play has ended it is as if I’ve enjoyed one long psychic orgasm.

Call it a meta-orgasm. They satiate me in ways that a mere penile explosion never has. And the afterglow sustains itself far longer. It is those endorphins again.

It is these meta-orgasms that make sadomasochistic play so addictive.

As a young man I consumed no small amount of psychedelic drugs. I loved having reality seemingly bent and twisted in odd and colorful ways. There was some falsity to it: but I was never fool enough to fall into the trap of taking my drugs too seriously.

I write of wanting strong experiences: extended bondage, emotional manipulation, lurid humiliations; acts the conventional world would call abuse. In them I’m seeking the same exotic, lovely transfiguration of my sense of reality.

My mind is very self-controlling. Most of the time I like it that way. But I cherish being liberated from the task of being me. Human experience offers no keener thrill. Millennia of mystics testify to this.

So I’m chasing more powerful meta-orgasms. Possibly deeper addiction.