My Mood
» My Inner Life
Been almost a month without Alexandra. Predictably it modifies my mood.
When our early conversations became serious D/s and S&M did as well. Not serious in a dull way. Often quite playfully we talked about what each of us wanted and might offer the other.
I’d been having some out-and-out brutal fantasies. Now I was talking to someone for whom I had great affection. Of its own accord Richard’s Theatre of Inhuman Torture closed its doors.
Who better to use to depict extremes than Bill Ward’s often unhandsome women.
I find myself back with fantasies of 24/7 harsh bondage and pain. No satisfaction in them. They are too fragmentary and wander from one image to another. No sustained narrative.
Despite the tangle of images I feel as if I’ve lost touch with the core of my slavish side. In my heart I know that all she’d have to do is gesture at her feet and I’d flash to the floor to worship.
But it is disconcerting to feel disconnected. Nothing unusual in this. D/s weblogs have plentifully documented the sense of loss of orientation due to heavy stress or distance. Right now I feel a little cheated, but only by my own mental machinery.
I like the images of goth Dommes I found. Going to the domain shown on the picture shows an advertising agency.
Happily from chatting with her I can tell that Alexandra isn’t suffering from a similar minor crisis. Sometimes I’d swear I’d see little devil horns sprouting from her forehead were she here.
Earlier I mentioned we’d been discussing gestures and observances that might reinforce our D/s bond outside of formal ower/slave time.
I’ve wondered how it would feel to wear come simple testicle binder or light chastity device when I’m away at work. Nothing strenuous or to be worn for long. I’d remove it on returning home or when she gives permission.
Maybe a simple chain, perhaps with a dog tag under my shirt.
Wonder what, if anything, couples who aren’t in lifestyle D/s have worked out along these lines?
Comments
I like the dog tag idea. Maybe a dog collar.
Posted by: Pinay D | April 13, 2005 10:01 PM
A dog collar would just be too visible at work. Having people ask about it would get stale quickly.
Dog tag on a simple chain seemed like a decent idea to me. But she said no and if she doesn’t like it then it isn’t worth doing.
Posted by: Richard | April 14, 2005 6:46 AM
(hi, I’ve been attracted to your site since your post on livejournal about wooing female Dommes online. Nice job, btw)
Do you know why she did not like the idea of a dog tag? If she likes the idea of your wearing a token to remind you of her, but doesn’t like dog tags, then some other unremarkable piece of jewelry - a ring, earring, or simple chain around the neck - might do just as well.
Posted by: rajka | April 16, 2005 7:17 PM
Actually what she said to me was that she doesn’t like chains on men. She may not like jewelry on guys at all. Not sure. I think from the part of the UK she’s from males who wear jewelry are street thugs.
Wearing a token when I’m away from her was my suggestion. She might not feel a need for it or will come up with one of her own.
Posted by: Richard | April 17, 2005 7:02 AM
Yeah, I’m fussy. I don’t really like chains, they’re droopy and interfere with the shape of someone’s body. Maybe a very short one, so it was almost like a choker, would be OK if it were not too fine. I dislike dogtags, they just seem tacky to me.
Finally, I dislike the idea of using material objects to represent spiritual things. For example, I find a ring as a symbol of love inappropriate, but not in an offensive way. To me it simply does not do the job as it is physical and decorative and could never represent the love truly. Something less tangible like music, a saying/pet name, thoughts, are more suited to this IMO.
This little quirk of mine also applies to my thoughts on expressions of slavery. The evidence of slavery is in the mind, and mostly, that’s good enough for me :)
Posted by: Alexandra | April 17, 2005 12:12 PM
Probably I should clarify – not for you but strangers who may run across this – that I was thinking of a small chain, the kind worn as jewelry, not something from Joe’s S&M Shoppe.
I really didn’t know if the idea of me wearing a symbol when I was away would please you or not. Just playing with notions.
And I hope you know you have my heart and mind.
Posted by: Richard | April 17, 2005 12:33 PM