My Penis
» My Inner Life
As I confessed recently I haven’t been feeling strongly phallic lately. My ability to confess this without shame is almost enough to cheer me past my chagrin at it being true.
I’ve come to realize that if I had a penisometer it could show where I am sexually at the time.
It isn’t about being able to have an erection. That isn’t ordinarily a problem. Though it might be about sustaining that erection. Really is about being sure of being able to orgasm. So how orgasmic I feel might be a better way of putting it.
Yeah, erections aren’t an issue. Nothing makes it expand to its fullest and stiffest potential than being kicked or crushed. A truth that always strikes me as funny.
In vanilla I’m a top. You can’t imagine how often I’ve wished bottoming were more fun for me. Really, really I’d like for it to be as hot in real life as it is in fantasy. Given how many queer men prefer to bottom I figure I must have some defect.
If I’m not feeling orgasmic then I’m cut off from vanilla sex. Guys want that explosion of semen. At least you can fake it in anal sex. But faking it isn’t much fun. Oral sex is out of the question even if many a bottom will feel that he’s at fault. Who wants to do that to anybody?
I certainly can’t think about being a BDSM top in this space. Sexual service is supposed to be the dénouement.
Actually as a BDSM bottom I wouldn’t care if the top were impotent as long as he knew how to use a whip.
And when I’m not feeling orgasmic masochism is my only option. Not that I mind that.
It is just that the power of the penis never fails to amuse me. After all I couldn’t enjoy cock torture if I didn’t have one.
Comments
Richard,
this posting requires a lot of thought before commenting it has so much in it.
I’ve only had one period in my life when I was non-orgasmic. It was a time when I had a lot to process in my life and so the sexual side shut down so that the mental and physical work could take precedence. So perhaps it is a way your mind is controlling you so that other more important stuff can be worked on.
Your comment about perhaps having a defect because as a gay man your prefer to top than bottom strikes me as being a very harsh attack on yourself. Although it might appear weird to be unlike the majority perhaps it is better to view it as a wonderful bonus, something unique and valuable.
I have noticed that mens ability to ejaculate, note not orgasm, changes past 40. I’ve had to make the adjustment as a woman and accept that there just won’t be as much semen coming my way if I don’t want to play with younger men.
So lots of different reasons why you might not be feeling orgasmic and I am sure that others will be put forward.
Posted by: doll | March 4, 2008 10:53 PM
Doll,
Don’t worry, I don’t mean defect as in character flaw. I’m just peeved that I can’t ordinarily experience a ‘bootygasm.’ Actually I think I might with a D/s top.
There are stress and health issues at work to be sure. I need to work harder to resolve what I can.
And if I can find the right local D/s top to spend time with much would be resolved. For me being whipped and controlled is erotically satiating. A good scene fills all my sexual needs without bothering with the genital stuff.
Thanks for the comment.
Posted by: Richard | March 5, 2008 8:12 AM