Part-time slave?
» My Inner Life
People committed to D/s as a lifestyle may object to my calling myself a 'part-time slave.' I can understand their feelings (even though I don't think I'm suited for 24/7 slavery I sometimes envy the depth of their experiences).
The overwhelming strength of my needs leave me unable to identity with submissive as a noun. As an adjective yes, I can be very submissive. (And think the word sub is best left to engines of war that prowl the depths of the oceans).
I want my power exchange with Alexandra to be unconditional. I need to feel wholly subject to the id and ego of my owner. We don't have a safe word. Alexandra is too wary and caring for me to need one. She wants her boyfriend intact when we return to normality.
Once I balked at performing an assigned task for fear of being cut by broken glass (that she couldn't see in the dark and didn't know about). Another time I got up to spit out something I'd been ordered to eat but feared I might choke on.
It might sound perverse but it would've been perfectly acceptable for her to punish me for not complying with her will. Not that I'd done anything wrong. Indeed it might've been a good idea in the second case because I became a bit of a smart assed masochist thereafter and that diminishes the experience for both of us.
That I feel it would be appropriate for her to punish me even for doing something right may give a clue as why I prefer to think of myself as her slave.
