Pornography

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One of the regrets of not doing more D/s and S&M with Alexandra when she was here is the uncertainty it has left me with.

It has only been amplified by some of the blog skimming that I’ve done in an effort to relax this afternoon.

Part me knows that I want more than I’m likely to get. Maybe should have.

Part of me is still craving the - shall we call it the worst? - no, how about the most intense. That isn’t good enough either. A man who can weep with tears of happiness when he has knelt licking his beloved’s boots knows intensity.

Let us say that part of me wants to live the pornography.

Erotic, Filthy, Sexy Fun for Submissive and Masochistic Men

Femdom Stories and Artwork

FEMDOMIC

Female Domination and Male Slavery. 100% Femdom

SENSUALSADIST.COM

No popups. Nothing to pay. I do this for fun. Think of me as a one-man F/m Tumblr site.

Do I really want or need - two aspects of human sexuality that aren’t always clearly separable - deep suffering.

Do I want to be hurt more than she’s ever hurt me. Or - to be more clear - more strongly but differently. (Because not all pains are equal.)

Does my spirit crave being shoved ever more deeply into the muck: literally, psychologically?

There’s a masochist’s hunger for experiences of “fear,” “desperation,” - I use the quotes because given real romantic love there’s always the assurance, however buried in the back of the brain, of safety.

So my dreams are perhaps haunted by dreams of dehumanization to which she’d never subject me to. To which - perhaps - I shouldn’t be subjected to.

Part of me is confused on an almost novitiate level. Another really very serene about it all.

It is possibly part of the masculine/male nature to want.

And of the feminine/female to be content - at least within reason.

So I use the word pornography to capture fantasies that should do no more than remain exactly thus.

And another part of me feels unhappy that we didn’t manage to incorporate more D/s on the most mundane level.

Conflicting hungers, disappointments make it difficult to sort one from the another.

While I do fret a bit my faith in myself and in us don’t really leave me worrying except in that part of me that is too much given to worry.

I don’t think we’re unmatched and can really work the details out.

Comments

I might be your blessing. I love to be dominated by a woman. I do think that I should be respected as a human being, but when sex play comes around, I will serve as requested: slave, servant, etc. Let’s talk.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Pornography. Please stick to the topic of the entry. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard


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