Recreational Femdom

Time and again, i explained to many, that i don’t care at all how people try to live their d/s tendencies. Recreational femdom is fine with me, although …… it is not for me. What irritates me, is the claims people make about their way of living. Many call themselves true slaves, while they’re not, as is the case with many dominas, who r in fact submissive women, trying to please their needy husbands, or pro’s making a buck on frustrated males. So, what i’m resisting, opposing, ridiculing and confronting, when in the mood for it, r those who r screaming from the rooftops they’re 24/7, lifestylers, totally enslaved ones, female supremacists, etc, while they r not, and who only occasionally get their stuff out of a hidden closet. Behaviour like that, contaminates my way of living, and i won’t allow that. If one needs to tell the world about ones lifestyle, just be honest about it. That’s all.

And….. femdom/slavery, is not equal to vanilla slavery/domination, although mainstream/trendy d/s is often based on just that. My femdom however has nothing to do with degradation, humiliation, etc, as seen and marketed on the net and pulp literature. On the contrary, it is rooted in empowering it’s participants. Doesn’t mean there’s no raw sex involved, doesn’t mean there’s no heavy whipping, iron collars, branding, bootlicking, breath restriction, living extended periods of time in tiny cells, chained to the wall, to name just a few activities, but the final goal, is to unite two or more extremes on the d/s continuum, during an exceptional encounter, which i am calling, the singularity.

As for ur question regarding non-consensual femdom? Both take place.

Btw, u would be surprised how much cuddling, kissing, and holding there is in my place.

Go on my friend, and live ur life as u, and ur beloved Alexandra see fit, but……ur wants and needs, r they indeed ur wants and needs, lolol?

One question. Were u ever whipped,(and i mean whipped, not stroked/caressed by a bw or a cat), without feeling any pain, and only longing for more lashes, praying it would never end?

It is hard to know what to make of the postings of dominant women on the web. I often suspect they are men trying to live their fantasies by pretending to be a Domme.

It sounds as if you need to evolve your own term for your lifestyle.

Yeah, many people who say they have a full fledged 24/7 life as dominant and slave seem to mean something that happens once or twice a week for an hour or two.

I do remember from you Yahoo profile that your men are powerful.

From the banter in your and Nanshakh’s groups I really haven’t been able to develop a sense of your ‘lifestyle’ (a word I really hate). But what you describe reflects what I see in some of Nanshakh drawings, particularly the one on your group’s home page.

I’ll admit that when I look at something like the illustration of the men in cages I do feel a longing for the extreme alternation of consciousness such imprisonment would bring. Really it seems more terrifying than pain.

The idea of anyone being enslaved against their will offends me. My own government is a wicked practitioner of it.

The cuddling and kissing probably would surprise me. But I haven’t seen anything to reflect that facet.

Alexandra says I’m like a sponge for pain. I’m not sure myself. On the occasions when we go deep much of my brain seems to shut down.

You make the statement that Maledom does not exist. Where to gay men fall? [NB: ‘gay’ was corrected from ‘day the next day.]

Ur current frame of reference is keeping u from absorbing the full meaning of what i wrote about non-consensual femdom as compared to vanilla slavery. That’s why u only could come up with something like ——>> “The idea of anyone being enslaved against their will offends me. My own government is a wicked practitioner of it.” It’s a strange, sad, and also silly, thing tho, to see all those cohorts of men (and women) with their fantasies of total enslavement to a cruel, despotic woman, promising they would do anything for being owned by a tyrant like that, to commit themselves completely, but when in reality such a woman is presenting herself, her actions r qualified as, offensive, criminal, illegal, etc etc., and vanilla morality is in session the mega way. Suddenly, those open minds r closing, returning to old and ‘proven’ concepts, when evaluating unfamiliar practices, even when hungering for same.

The same frame of reference makes it hard for u to, “know what to make of the postings of dominant women on the web.”

I know there r many fakes and posers in Cyberspace, as there r in r/l, but i don’t mind that so much, cos they’re not my anchors. My advice? Don’t pay attention to them, if u believe it’s not a femdom. And if u want to be sure? Get some skills to find out the real identity behind a nick or alias.

AST? That’s more a playful, and lighthearted group. Not a ‘serious’ one, although there r some powerful writings about femdom in there. Find them, if u really r interested in my ‘lifestyle’ (i hate that word too, lol). Once i created a goup for more intense discussions regarding femdom, but deleted it shortly after, due to the lack of people who r really involved with d/s.

“Where to day men fall?” Again, my statement refers to d/s relationships, not to the vanilla world, in which males certainly r dominating the scene, and…… quite often r making a mess when using their powers. But, up till now, none of these dominants could resist me, and if i wanted them to fall for me, they fell. And this time Richard, try to escape ur FOR. Instead, let ur heart embrace the possibility that there r women, who r going all the way. Try to picture a woman, who’s testing the limits of femdom. Try to imagine there r those, who practice that so adored and craved for non-consensuality, but a non-consensuality that is not related to abuse of power, leading to atrocities, so common to the vanilla world. Just try it, and maybe u will float toward new perceptions of femdom.

When I referenced Lynndie England and Abu Ghraib I was thinking specifically of enslaving kidnapped men. I think it as evil as the female slavery surviving in certain parts of the world.

In my mainstreams weblo I proposed Lynndie England for a D/s icon. I had a few comments from men saying “yeah” but really think few men are capable of enduring that sort of handling.

About men who give themselves to someone unconditionally I don’t know what to think if they suddenly want to back out. But then again the woman wouldn’t want them.

I’m sorry. Day men was a stupid typo. I meant where do gay men fall if there is no such thing as Maledom.

I do believe there are women who do take total control, press the limits and men who adore them for it. And aren’t abusive.

In a fashion that I realize doesn’t not seem adequate to you Alexandra try to achieve as much intensity as we can. In my case it is not asking for a safeword and forcing myself to accept however much pain she inflicts. And in striving to reach that state where my ego vanishes and worshipping her consumes my mind.

But as I’ve said I don’t think I’m one of those people who is capable of living that way full time.

How’s that? —->> “……forcing myself to accept however much pain she inflicts.”?? Remember what u wrote about that “natural” thing?

To connect people like Lyndie England to d/s, in whatever way done, is a sick thing to do. This woman is the opposite of femdom, and a clear example of what Adorno called, the authoritarian personality, people characterized by ego-weakness, willing to do whatever their “superiors” tell them to do, and eager to outlive their frustrations on weaker ones. Nazism thrived on them, as did/does fascism.

Gay men? Meaning gay men in a d/s situation, so magnificent drawn by Tom of Finland? They’re just players, same as so many heteros. They resemble a bit the Goreans, lol, a lot of visible quasi-machismo, a lot of etiquette, a library full of protocols, but no real passion for the core of d/s. They too r entangled in concepts like punishment, humiliation, degradation etc, as important ingredients of their relationships. Again, fine with me. Let them have a ball (or 2), but qualifying brutality, and delivering pain, as a sign of being dominant, is ridiculous.

U sensed of cors, uploading a statement like that to my profile, was also done to tickle male egos a little (smile). Like u, i’m not so much in favour of making all kinds of generalizations, but the reactions of (some) people, when i do, r hilarious, and worth the effort, hahaha. Besides, putting things “black/white”, often triggers interesting and valuable discussions, no?

Exactly how pain affects me is something I’ve yet to find the words for. Masochism seems hard to capture fully in words.

Lynndie England does seem like a good example of nonconsensual.

Gay male Old Guard protocols seems like a wacky, insane extension of Robert’s Rules of Order. I’m slightly interested in the possibilities of rituals but don’t have anything clear in my mind.

I’ve never been comfortable with Gor since John Norman’s “philosophy” asserts that women are instinctively submissive.

OK, no punishment, degradation, brutality. Just whips, cages and cuddling?

Considering crackpot female supremacists like Elise Sutton it is easy to imagine there are dominant women who would assert there is no male dominants. And given Sutton’s self-proclaimed Christianity I can’t guess how gay men would fit in her theories.

Best regards.

“OK, no punishment, degradation, brutality. Just whips, cages and cuddling?”, and “Lynndie England does seem like a good example of nonconsensual.”, in particular, r showing me ur more rigid than i thought, after having read some of ur writings. Seems it’s difficult for u to relate to the essence, of what i was sharing with u. So be it. But….. i’m not willing to keep on trying, to break through ur barriers. Tip: Read my writings again, when ur more ready to take advantage of them, in ur quest to unravel ur tendencies, and enjoying them to the fullest.

Oh…. and…. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Richard, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” (pointing to Hamlet, act I scene 5).

England does seem like a good example of nonconsensual torture. I don’t mean good as in something to be emulated.

You haven’t given any examples of nonconsensual Femdom that you approve of that I can recall.

“OK, no punishment, degradation, brutality. Just whips, cages and cuddling?”

I was hoping you would clarify for me how you live.

I don’t think I’m too emotionally rigid but it is often easier to know what someone means if they offer concrete examples.

I know exactly what u meant. No need for further explanations. However, as long as u keep connecting that weakling, to (non-consensual) femdom, it’s of no use to continue this conversation. We’re too far apart. Besides, i have no need to convince u of my views. Stick to urs, and enjoy ur d/s play. I just made a mistake, thinking u maybe were potential slave material. U made it clear. U want to be a part-timer. However, when reading for instance: “I want to be able to listen to the music I like, read the books I enjoy whenever I wish.”, i got the feeling, u want ur cake and eat it too. Btw, my slaves can listen to their favourite music, read any book they like (u can’t even imagine our library, etc.), but…… not always when they wish! U also sound a bit like topping from the bottom.

So, this conversation is over.

Two things left: 1) Slavery is per definition non-consensual, whether it’s vanilla or not. 2) It’s quite easy for me, to convince a person, to consent to whatever action i have in mind. Then, we have true consensual femdom, eh.

Any game that people play is fun precisely because it is a game. That applies to chess, football, tennis and bdsm. Real (i.e., non-consentual) slavery is not fun, and it’s not a game. It is bullying; it is assault, it is, potentially, murder. The key is consent — which the Canadian police, for example, don’t understand. That’s not to say that consent cannot be perpetual. A person can even lose his rational ability to think “no,” just as an addict can lose the ability to quit drinking or taking drugs. That’s where consent goes over the line. Like an addict, you surrender your decision-making authority temporarily (though that may be a long time, it should be finite) to your Owner. She, of course, has a duty (I suggest) to know your limits, and to stay within them. That’s part of the bargain; it’s like government. You trade a part of your freedom for benefits, and the right to review the social contract now and again. In BDSM, you may trade virtually all your freedom for a finite time period, ceding all decision to your Owner until next week, next year or whenever. This is what keeps it a game, a recreation, a contract. In fact, it’s rational (I suggest) even to cede the right to set the review date to your Owner, and rely on Her good sense — just as you rely on Her not causing you physical injury in the course of recreational pain. No, it doesn’t work 100% of the time, and neither does football. People do get hurt, sometimes badly. That’s probably because there’s no safe-word in football (and there’s a parallel: a big part of Femdom BDSM, at least for me, is “proving” yourself, being macho, being strong, just as in football). On the other side of the coin, the human DNA contains, I think, a “cruelty gene” that we repress with varying degrees of success. Being a Female Dominant gives that impulse a release, and is probably good for Her. Women are moulded by our society to be “nice” and they tend to sublimate in bitchiness or cattiness. However, Female Domination lets all that frustration out, along with annoyance at “the stupid things men do” (which no one can list anyway!). So if a submissive (read “romantic”) male wishes to show his strength and toughness, at the same time he shows his sacrificial devotion to the Woman he loves, why not? She, at the same time, vents Her frustrations, has fun teasing the man She loves and giving him sexual pleasure (albeit mixed with pain) whilst enjoying hot and heightened sex Herself. Part of the contract is that She decides, on the basis of Her personal pleasure, what kind of activities (“services”) Her temporary male slave will perform for Her. Another proven psychological factor is that for a human in the throes of sexual passion, pain and pleasure cross over (within some limits, of course, as already discussed). That is why a whipping feels “wonderful” in the context of sex, why “love-bites” are part of the fun. So for this male sub, it is a pleasure (not to mention a privilege) to lick my Owner’s boots and toes in a show of devotion and surrender, and to be allowed to lick certain sensitive parts of Her beautiful body in other ways that bring Her joy. In the midst of that passion, to feel Her whip is not only gratifying to my sense of devotion, but just plain exciting (for both of us)!