Begging for Mercy

My masochism sometimes irks Alexandra. Partly because my selfish neediness distracts from my focus on her.

I was surprised to learn that my having never begged for mercy has also left her displeased with me. My tolerance for pain sometimes exhausts her. Sometimes I have come close to pleading with her stop. But I've never reached the point where I felt I was honestly hurting so much I couldn't handle more.

What would it take for me to scream for her to stop?

In my own dreams of being taken that far into pain I've always seen myself bound and my butt and thighs steadily worked over. Is this fixed fantasy blocking my response to the pain she inflicts?

It is a selfish fantasy. I want it paced so that when my pleas are ignored I eventually pass into that endorphin rich space where the pain becomes pleasure. Except for a few moments I've yet to come near it.

Certainly testicle torture - squeezing and slapping my balls - could take me there, perhaps very speedily. But we've yet to explore that frightening, potentially dangerous form of anguish. I can't deny that it terrifies me. But part of me also wants to know what it is like.

I suspect she will eventually reduce me to whimpering and pleading for mercy. I can only guess what that day will be like. Hopefully we'll both feel transcendent gratification.