Paradox of Pain

There’s the wonderfully erotic impact pain whose sweet spots are the buttocks and the thighs. And a weird craving to my inner thighs brutally worked. (Years ago I saw a photo series of a guy tied to a bench with his legs spread a part and held aloft by ropes hanging from the ceiling. I was obsessed with that sequence for months. Though I don’t really know much about shame that seemed very shaming.)

Having my upper back whipped evokes a distinct set of submissive feelings. Why? I don’t know.

While my penis has been subjected to much impact I’m not sure if it ever really hurt except for once. Something to be explored more (yes, with care).

Detail from a Bilbrew cover. Where has his heart, mind and body gone?

There has been pain within S&M that I didn’t enjoy. But Alexandra did delight in inflicting it. My response flickered about. One moment I was accepting it because I didn’t want to disrupt her fun. Then sensing the bright flame of her sadism I fell, if only momentarily, into an unfathomable place where the idea of whether pain is “good” or “bad” is meaningless.

Sometimes I like my sadomasochistic play neat with ice. But other scenes might have gone better preceded by a submissive gesture. Since that information is buried in my own mind it is another proof that I should get better at expressing my needs.

While submission can enrich my masochism, it can also cause me to almost forget it: devotion pushing aside physical desire.

There have been times when I felt I was edging toward my limit and would be begging for mercy. (And I’m really glad I finally admitted we need a safeword so that I can beg for mercy without actually asking her to stop.)

Ugari usually did full scenes. Nipple clamps are uncommon in F/m artwork.

The sustained pain of clips and clamps we’ve explored only lightly. As much as I marvel at the impact of whip, cane or spoon often I’ve dreamt of suffering that varies with the tiny adjustment of a knob or weight.

Will elctro-play stay only something fantasized about?

Visualizing torments I may really experience causes anticipation and fear - not that those two are really separable. Part of the paradox.