S&M and Warm-Ups
» Pain
All good sadists know that a masochist needs a warm-up for a beating. Ok, that is a lie. But most believe that and practice it.
Somewhere along the scale of sadomasochistic play there must be a distinction between warm-ups and buildups.
Naturally being a slavish sort of masochist on my best days the notion of being violently yanked into pain that I don’t want excites and entices me. Some masochists are gifted and cope with this without a problem. Sadly, I must confess that in the great scheme of S&M I am not necessarily one of them.
Like many a pain junkie I’ve found myself finding some warm-ups tedious. And accept them because I must trust Alexandra’s discernment and understanding of me. Were I to ask her to skip them it would only gladden her sadistic heart and she’d simply slam whatever device she had in hand into my flesh.
It would probably just drive me to using my safeword. And the time that I did while being beaten is what gives me pause. That night I felt no masochism. My mind was rigid with determination to accept the pain in an effort to please her.
Recalling these experiences with clarity is never easy. But my recollection is mostly of feeling annoyed by the pain. If anything it was vanity: I’d be damned if I’d be defeated. But I was. But what nobility is there in tolerating something to the point of exasperation?
This was a big mistake. In forcing myself to endure the experience I became wary of pain play. S&M became something I wanted to avoid.
Of course this was an unusual time: my sexuality was badly compromised. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem. At all.
While beginning corporal punishment at maximum intensity is alluring for some of us it may not be wise. To acquire an aversion to your kink is terrible. While the circumstances of my experience were complicated it remind me: getting what I want isn’t necessary what I should get.
Really I don’t know. Once I recovered it seemed as if she couldn’t hurt me enough. But of course she could’ve. The body is so vulnerable that there are ways to push a masochist past his tolerance in seconds. Our tops just never use them.
Earlier I suggested there is perhaps a useful distinction between warming up and building up. If the gentle strokes bore you then starting with real pain is always a possible beginning. But not the strongest pain. It isn’t as if you are a sports car whose advertisements boast of going from zero to reckless in three seconds.
The biochemistry of endorphin release is best respected.
Honestly, my demurrals above aside I actually do hope to test this very edge. My safeword forgotten. But it will be with someone I trust, who knows how I respond.
I’ve known masochists who did this with an unfamiliar sadist. The former were never wiling to go near the latter a second time.
This is a complicated issue. It ramifies in so many ways. There are guys who would risk this with total strangers. But I think it would be foolish for most masochists unless they have real experience.
Promted by Warmups, the lack thereof, trust and hitting hard.
Comments
I think myself and my Dom prefer the idea of build up to warm up. I asked him to warm me up once…he got out a blow torch. His sense of humour its not his biggest talent needless to say!
But build up yeah….gradually adding extra sensations…complications to the scenario…that works gradually adding more interest and stimulation. Maybe sometimes launching straight into pain…lets say for an example cold caning - has its place, as disclipine/punishment. But i think the honest masochist can admit to this being more about the enjoyment of BDSM than about being punished for a wrongdoing most of the times therefore build up is good, it helps i think for the body to relax into it gradually. Sometimes when he’s setting things up i get fidgety or uncomfortable but then its just really to trust him to wait to see what the end outcome is and yes, he could do excruitiangly things to me at any second if he wanted…and thats what helps the excitement too. Its like doing an interrogation scenario its a game, he could break me straight away, but then that wouldnt be that enjoyable for either of us and i think as a masochist my tolerance is something i like to be tested but at least to give me a fighting chance :)
Posted by: thisgirl | July 24, 2007 5:18 PM
Whew, complicated but well said. I think that all makes sense, pet.
“But what nobility is there in tolerating something to the point of exasperation?”
Do you want a list? >:)
Posted by: Alexandra | July 26, 2007 11:46 AM
I love lists.
I think I know what you mean. But don’t think of exasperation as the sort of response you enjoy.
Posted by: Richard | July 26, 2007 12:03 PM
Looking at the dictionary definition it’s not a perfect shade of meaning, yes.
Posted by: Alexandra | July 26, 2007 12:10 PM
A note for some stranger who might wander this way and not understand my verbal fussiness.
I do enjoy offering my suffering to Alexandra. Even accepting pain that I don’t enjoy at the time. But want to do it with the proper mindset.
Posted by: Richard | July 26, 2007 1:06 PM
This is a tricky issue. Sometimes my submissive wants to just feel my passion to hurt him, but if I give in to his desires, I can break him. The time I broke him, we had to have gentle, tender scenes for a couple of weeks before he craved pain again. Traumatizing your lover sucks.
An alternative to the usual method of warming someone up is to just hurt them pretty bad, then pause a while, then do it again. It lets you play hard with intervals of rest that create the build-up. At least I think it works that way.
Posted by: Devastating | September 19, 2007 1:26 PM
My guess is that warm-ups are most important for long sensation play. It is hard for me to be sure because Alexandra has always been so contentious about them. Though for a short series, say ten with an acrylic cane, you might as well start at maximum.
Actually with my nipples warming up may actually be worse.
Posted by: Richard | September 19, 2007 2:25 PM
when my wife spanks me i get excited knowing what is to happen. i am told to go to the bathroom, disrobe and wait for her. in she comes holding her bathbrush. she orders me to get over her knees and tell her why i am getting spanked. then it begins, light taps which slowly increase to the point that i start to yell owwww. from then on the pain increases until i start to cry, begging her to stop. finnaly it ends and i am told to go to my room and remember a repeat session will happen when i misbehave.
Posted by: harry | August 13, 2008 5:20 AM