Change

Somewhere recently, I don’t recall if it was here or in an email to Alexandra, I said something about needing to change. That is, to become open to the idea of multiple partners while continuing our relationship.

That word - change - froze me.

It is groovy and good to talk about evolving, changing.

But questionable for a person to talk about changing to preserve a relationship.

Let me change the perspective on change for a moment. How many people have thought they could change a lover? I can certainly raise my hand. And how many have failed. There goes my hand again. Don’t we all wish we hadn’t been so foolish as to try?

There are lifestyle changes you make for health. Changes to overcome a serious problem like alcoholism.

But anyone who tries to change his or her fundamental self may be on a fool’s errand. It rarely works.

Change that actualizes a latent potential is one thing. Violating yourself is starting the clock on a time bomb.

And this, ultimately, is the question I face: is each of us exploring things with multiple partners within my emotional range?

As of yet I do not know.