A Masochist's Lamentations
» Prior Relationship
I want her to spit on my face. No, I hate being spat upon. But that is why I crave it.
I want her to slap my face.
To hear that special haughty tone of voice as she orders me to do something degrading. Later she would touch the back of my neck and assure me that I’m her good boy.
I need to feel clothespins, her heels digging into my skin. Whips, testicle torment …
To be surprised by her unanticipated ingenuity.
My frustration is so strong that I’m resentful. I start feeling that she doesn’t really understand my needs. Angered by all the things that I’ve wanted to try that we haven’t.
Which isn’t fair to Alexandra.
I awoke this morning consumed by selfish sexual frustration. Been a long time since I was this lost in raw neediness.
Maybe I should masturbate. But I don’t think a physical orgasm will cure this.
And weirdly the frustration - despite the ugly side - leaves me feeling very connected to her. It is Alexandra that I want doing these things to me, not some OWK photo model.
In a couple of hours the erotic funk will have passed and I’ll be a guy missing his girl.
Waiting for November …
Comments
Richard, I often wonder how you manage to go for such (to me) long periods of time separated from Alexandra. I know that in the past I’ve joked about your “cottage industry” of web logs, but maybe that’s what you do in order to cope?
The Edge of Vanilla
Posted by: Tom Allen | September 25, 2006 10:31 AM
I always swore I’d never enter into a long distance relationship but then she became a part of my life.
This is our longest separation. But it isn’t nearly as tough as watching my prior lover’s life crash and burn from addiction to heroin and crack.
Some of my sites are powered by pure sublimation. Best to channel the wanting into creative or useful projects.
Posted by: Richard | September 25, 2006 3:44 PM
Hi Richard,
These feelings are not just limited to those in long distance relationships. I’ve gone through periods feeling exactly as you describe, even living in the same house with my Mistress Wife.
In fact, this is another post where I think “Richard just transcribed my own thoughts at times!”
Best regards, Thomas, Mistress Laura’s boy.
Posted by: Mistress Laura's boy | September 25, 2006 10:53 PM
You are right. I’ve certainly had bouts of this when we were together and my desires were stronger than that. My mood would then block us from enjoying each others company in any way.
Thankfully the mood has passed for now. Just writing the entry was cathartic.
Posted by: Richard | September 26, 2006 9:43 AM