A Spoken Collar

» Prior Relationship

We have a few bondage toys we keep meaning to experiment with before using them in scenes. Off we’ve gone to the living room planning to explore them. But we’ve spent our time in conversation or D/s leaving them untested. That was our plan again last night; again they lay untouched.

Once on the couch Alexandra told me that if I were to act as her footstool for a set duration my reward would be licking her boots. Assenting I got on all fours. It was as a BDSM scientist I held myself there. I learned to not hold my hands either too close to or distant from each other. Feeling wholly detached my mind wandered, thinking about CGI scripts and other practical matters.

Arising I climbed back on the couch to see if my sometimes troublesome neck had been adversely affected (no). Alexandra was surprised that 1) I hadn’t licked her boots*; 2) that I wasn’t acting submissive.

I’d felt an athlete being tested by a coach. Not knowing that it would be OK for me to let myself drop into submission I held my mind in ‘vanilla’ space. Richard Rule #1 for all relationships: never be a pest.

Talking afterwards we worked out simple verbal stage direction. Alexandra might say something like:

“You would please me if you . . . “

“Why don’t you be a good boy and . . . “

Cues to say slipping into a compliant, obedient mindset would be OK.

You folks are probably wondering why she doesn’t say “Male creature, on your knees!” I’d be the last to deny that a curt command could thrill my slavish little soul. Ruthlessness we’re sure to try but she’s too nurturing to indulge my crazy cravings if she’s not sure I’m up to it.

I’m still working out ways in which to signal desire without being a nag. Bowing my head and resting it on her chest works well.

How my overripe sense of good manners is sometimes a hindrance we talk about here.

We’ve been talking via the weblog. Read Slew of Comments to Down On My Knees. Feel free to ad your own.

* Not that my bootlicking visa has expired.

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I note you say “you guys.”

This is one case where the usual generic perhaps really is a false one.

I enjoy protocol. I enjoy politeness. And I knew my property would do as I told him, whether I “asked” politely, or shouted at him. (He found this a little confusing, but I think he would have been happy with more verbal humiliation than I gave him.)

It’s easier to start a scene, in my opinion, with a gentle verbal cue than an angry command. It’s less abrupt. There’s plenty of time for haughtiness, abruptness and curtness once the scene has started to play out.

For me, it’s all about control. But this doesn’t mean I have to sound like a drill sergeant.

I meant “you guys” as in you male readers.

The more perceptive comments come from the women. I tend to assume “the guys” are looking for Thrilling Tales of Torture.

But to make sure no one takes the phrasing amiss I’ve changed the wording to “you folks.”

What Alexandra and I get out of each scene varies consierably. Sometimes we are informal or only slightly formal. Or she commanding, myself offering my total surrender. It has just been about pain. Or a mix of any of the preceding. Thankfully our moods seem to usually mesh.

“you guys” ?! “you folks” ?!

Don’t y’all live in North Carolina??

Yep, the great Tarheel state. And I’m from Georgia.

Richard, I venture to your site now and then and am very pleased to see the content is still as interesting as ever. keep up the good work

Ms C

Thanks, it is always nice to know that people find some of these notes interesting. And you can never hear too many kind words.

Margaret Thatcher, a consumate dominant in Her public and vanilla-world way, said once that Being powerful is like being beautiful — if you have to say it, you aren’t.

The essence of civilized domination is that a a true Dominaant Woman never has to raise Her voice or scream at Her slave (Think of The Godfather — speaking softly!).

The contrast between a Mistress’s soft allowing a slave to serve Her, permitting it to debase itself at Her feet, contrasts all the more with the fact that She will be obeyed.

Her power is enough that She never has to lose Her temper. She gives a quiet suggestion, and if Her slave hesitates before obeying instantly, She doesn’t have to say a word: one cruel lash across the slave’s naked back, or face or whatever part of its anatomy is convenient, is all that’s needed.

In Middle Eastern cultures where real slavery is genuinely practiced, not for the sake of BDSM, but that’s the way life IS, the custom is to speak politely, even request, as Richard suggests his Lady Alexandria might do. Well-trained slaves know what will happen if they don’t give 150% obedience at once. So, too, with our BDSM world.

Both Mistress and slave can be happy with such an arrangement: One knowing that She has actual power, and the other reveling in obedience and submission.

That’s why, when a command is carried out, Mistress can say that She is pleased by Her slave, and the slave, in turn, thanks Her for the privilege of serving Her (with, in this house, a warm kiss on Her toe).


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