An Agreement

Too often when reading of slavishly oriented people write of their desires there is so much guilt expressed over even theoretical failures you’d think that BDSM was something they got out of fundamentalist religious text.

So it is a delight to read someone as kinkily wholesome as Maymay:

It took me a relatively long time to figure out that my interest in ensuring my partner’s happiness wasn’t necessarily such an altruistic goal, but rather that it came out of my slavish desire to be owned and controlled. I craved pleasuring my partner because it made me feel accomplished. That feeling of success is far more pleasuring to me than anything else I can imagine …

I still don’t know how much of it comes from the desire to be a slave and how much of it comes from other things. I suspect it’s sort of a chicken-and-egg scenario, however, because both facets of the emotion feed upon the other and strengthen the whole. It is, perhaps, more comforting to think of myself as more than the sum of my emotions anyway.

Feeling well-trained is emotionally satisfying

During Alexandra’s last return home the failure of my libido took away our erotic compass.

Shortly before leaving she expressed a desire for some sort of formalized agreement that might help enable us to explore the BDSM component of our relationship more often and deeply.

Seemed a good idea to me. Ok, it seemed hot! Sexiness aside it really does seem worth exploring. While our times apart have enabled us to have really good, detached discussions our time for actualizing them are sadly limited.

And our bonding is a bit atypical. For us kink is more than a bedroom game. But we aren’t a lifestyle couple - admittedly an unclear, ambiguous pair of words.

The ritual caning insures there’s regular some S&M and enactment of roles. An agreement is an expansion of this. There are various “slave contracts” about on the net. Many of them sound the same. The few I examined the other night weren’t useful as examples. Please don’t associate what we will attempt with those clichιd writings.

Alexandra’s goals are best written about by her.

Mine?

I’m sincerely interested in exploring suffering and misery in ways that aren’t physical. Not erotic at the time of happening (if they are that is fine but that is now how I envision these experiences). Lots of tops and bottoms want to explore this edge. We’re ready for it: mutual knowledge and trust.

Way back before we ever met I thought of there being more than one slave collar: each designating different levels of intensity. Long time readers of mine who may attribute this to a tendency of mine to complicate life may have a point. (Insert smiley here.)

While the agreement can give us designated ways of amping up the violence they can open the path to much more frequent adoption of milder roles.

One of my bitterest insights was that Alexandra and I could’ve done so much more. Disoriented by may sexual problems I was afraid. In offering one thing I didn’t want to seem to be offering another. I didn’t want to suddenly find myself saying: “No, I can’t handle that.”

E.g., her pet who is conspicuously deferential vs. taking the pet role to always crawling, remaining in certain positions, not speaking. (Normally pet space needs no description: it is wonderfully free form.)

My sense of honor will insure that I accept what we’ve mutually ratified. And the agreement can be modified in the light of experience.

Alexandra’s entry: Part Time Slave Contract.