BDSM & Stress

Dimly I knew that quotidian stresses and strains could interfere mightily with D/s. I’d read many people write about the loss when other parts of life weren’t going well. Her, of Pussy Worship, sums it up neatly:

Interesting to me that dominance and submission are the first things to go when we’re stressed because they’re difficult to maintain, but really are missed. Also interesting to me is just how challenged I am to be dominant. I know it’s not all wine and roses, and I’m amazed at how much of a challenge it is to maintain at times, especially stressful times. I have no trouble accepting submission, but asserting dominance is tough when I’m not sure what kind of a response I’ll get.

Accepting that dominance wasn’t like as Billie Holiday weirdly sings of love, a faucet you can turn off and on proved hard. Years of pent-up need crushed against my psyche more ruthlessly than my erect penis ever had.

And I pouted. I’d feel sorry for myself but also be angry with myself for responding so poorly. My angry guilt wasn’t D/s: a man doesn’t burden his beloved. Ever.

In a fairytale world.

And there were times when I could fallen in more easily and quickly with Alexandra when she wanted to take control. But I was distracted by something, perhaps only the dog’s need to pee.

Given our inevitable separations I regret what was lost. When she wasn’t feeling dominant there was the rest of her to be enjoyed. And I wish I’d somehow been more alert that a slow response on my part might leave her feeling that I didn’t really want to surrender.

But these things happen and you learn.

That D/s can falter when life is demanding isn’t surprising. Even without the direct involvement of genitalia we are in the erotic spectrum. That stress interferes with erotic life is a given, whatever the mix of affection and power exchange.

My hope is that when she’s back I’ll make the best use of our time together.