D/s as Chivalry
» Prior Relationship
I know many of you don’t visit waiting to learn the distinctions I feel between having my testicles leashed as opposed to my penis or my genitals together.
You hope to hear the slave, not the masochist speak.
And it won’t hurt to orient people who either project their wishes into what I write or haven’t been here long enough to know what is going on.
Alexandra is away. Some of my entries are really meant to be no more than funny. Others let me testify to my own kinks, hoping that there will be readers either willing to share their own or at least feel less alone because of expositions of my own cravings. A few teach me about myself.
And I hope to reach across an ocean and let the one I love see perhaps a nuance she’d missed before. I may be asking for something but ready to accept her lack of interest. But I hope that she’ll find new ways to evoke in me the emotional state that pleases her.
We aren’t a lifestyle couple. My joy in her is often catching a whiff of fading perfume as she leans against me as we watch a silly old movie.
Honoring lexicographers I don’t call myself a submissive, much less a submarine.
Slave and surrender capture best for me the state to which I need her to take me.
Sometimes I’m afraid of her even though I know her eye and ear are attuned to emotional and physical dangers. She will use me, perhaps savagely, but always protect me.
When I’m lucky she takes away the layers of complication and leaves me not much more than a nervous system programmed to please her. My identity all but vanishes.
In my reduced state I don’t always remember what happened. But the afterglow is joyous.
Striving to conform to her will and whims. But this isn’t an inhuman relationship. My limitations, needs and wants have their space in her heart.
We become Goddess and slave because we love one another. It doesn’t fit the traditional paradigm of romance. That is present as well.
Think of it as a mutation of chivalry: a man’s devotion to his lady faire.
Comments
I’m not trying to say what’s right and not right, or put a linear scale of value on things, because I don’t believe in any of that. But personally I’d rather have this kind of a relationship than be Dungeon Mistress X.
There are several reasons for this. I like multiple layers. My favourite domination scenes don’t involve brutish women, but the more delicate type, who are perhaps more sensetive and vulnerable than a hardened, and more consistantly domineering/aggressive dominant woman would be.
I really wouldn’t say ‘domineering’ was one of my biggest traits. Sure, I have a sadistic and dominant streak, which is part of who I am, and needs to be channeled (in the past it has found it’s own path of action, often inappropriately). But I do not have enough dominance in me to do the lifestyle thing, and I woudln’t want to. It gets a fair bit of mileage when you cosider that my music is another act of dominance and sexual expression. And the fact that I need another human to help me through this life, should not distract from my dominant side.
So where am I going with this? I really do recommend people put out of their minds ideas of preconcieved lifestyles. ‘Normal’ romance and D/s DO make something real and it is very tangible and complimentary. For me it is pure reality.
I am the one who noticed the paralell between the protector/builder and the slave. The slave is just delving deeper into the layers and is choosing to experience the same thing more intensely. Perhaps a little too intensely some conservative people might say :)
Why do I get the feeling I’ve missed the point I originally intended to make? This is such a complicated subject that it almost blows my mind. Really…
Love from above ;) Me
Posted by: Alexandra | May 11, 2005 4:32 PM
Two quick glosses:
I dont think Alexandra meant to equate quantity of dominance with lifestyle D/s. Rather I think she means that the spectrum weve achieved in our relationship would be lost in 24/7.
I owe to her the insight that my need to be protector/provider has a symmetry with my desires to surrender. Both are giving and loving.
Posted by: Richard | May 11, 2005 5:47 PM
Given one phrase no surprise these lyrics by Sade would catch my ear:
I speak of Alexandra as protecting me. How much she has understood and remembered I can’t say. But I do remember when she’s brought me safely home from the slave state.
Posted by: Richard | May 11, 2005 5:48 PM