Loss of Masochism and Libido

When Alexandra arrived I was sick. For the first few weeks that greatly limited how much we could engage in our happy power exchange. She was so king and nurturing that it healed part of me other than my body.

Once I was well I was comparatively feeble. Not in a really bad way but enough to cause her concern as to how much she mind demand of me or subject me to.

Worst of all: my masochism was gone. Perhaps it was vacationing in The Netherlands. Wherever it went I hope the experiences was so unpleasant that it never again leaves home.

Actually, my libido died. Thankfully my sense of masculinity keeps me from feeling the kind of self-condemning shame that most men would probably feel.

But I did feel miserable. Here was the beloved I’d waited months to be with again. Some of my power to please her - to give both of us pleasure - had been taken away from me.

Alexandra - rightfully frustrated - was wonderfully supportive and accepting. One of the worst aspects was her feeling that she should’ve been able to do something. But even her sensuous magic is helpless before biochemistry.

In the last week my libido returned. It must’ve had a good vacation because I suddenly found myself supercharged with erotic hunger and need.

Thankfully I was able to give her one good night. With cat, cane, quirt, whip she took me to that special place where I can no longer tell if I fear or crave the next blow.

The 25 micrograms of synthetic thyroid hormone were my cure I think. Hormones, sadly, often take weeks to take effect.

One of my main tasks while Alexandra is away to take better care of myself so that I’m properly ready for her next time home.