My Transgendered Domina

Yesterday I invited you the readers to suggest a topic for me to write about. One person took me up on it.

I apologize if I am being gauche, particularly if the answer is a simple “it makes no difference at all.” Perhaps it doesn’t. I imagine you’ll tell me.

My initial response was that, yep, makes not a bit of difference. Still I’m going to try do a little self-exploration in this entry.

What I wonder is does the fact that Alexandra is T-S make any difference at all to you, in her role as your Dominant, as compared to a bio-female, other than (I presume) a more detailed ask-the-woman-who-owns-one knowledge of how to do CBT?

As far as CBT goes I think it has made her more reluctant than a biological female who cannot actually empathize with the peculiar, special quality of that kind of pain.

I know the correct answer is that you love Alexandra, whoever she may be, and I understand that. But does the fact that she is T-S make how that expresses itself in BDSM play change things from how they would be if she were biologically XX?

My love for Alexandra is the key thing for sure. Now to see if I can come up with something worth writing (when I start these things I rarely know where I’m going).

One of the unusual things about my relationship with Alexandra is that we’d known each other online for years before getting together. That was before I knew that my friend felt that (then) “he” should’ve been born female. Or that either of us had any interest in erotic power exchange.

My sexual orientation has slipped around over the years. First I thought I was gay. Then bisexual. My final affectional/sexual orientation is pansexual: body configuration doesn’t matter.

Secondarily I’m an androgynophilliac: that is to say that I’m more sexually drawn toward people with an atypical sense and expression of gender.

For most of my life this has meant that I’ve had relationships with a species of gay male that most people despise: the flamer. When I found myself in bed with a woman no one could’ve been more surprised than I was.

While I’m comfortable with male and female bodies femininity draws me. In all sorts of shapes, shades and quirky expression. By femininity I don’t mean giggly girlishness (well at least in women, I guess I do like it in a guy). Not that I’d try to define femininity or femaleness: it is up to the inner life of the person. Gender is self-perception and performance.

Which gender’s body do I prefer? I don’t know. Human bodies are nice things.

With women I’m more apt to respond to intelligent eyes. With guys I like being the strong shoulder they lean on. Not that those things can’t mix about a bit. They are my superficial responses. The details are always in the individual.

Do I have a thing for trannys? (A word I don’t like but sometimes use for emphasis.)

No.

About eighteen one day an image of physical androgyny did pass through my mind. It was a boy with breasts. Not a “chick with a dick.” Perhaps the image would’ve been different if I’d known I was able to have sex with a woman. Knowing nothing about transsexuals, much less pre-ops the image vanished from my mind.

Have I ever fantasized about pre-op transsexuals?

(Bright red blush.) Yes. A little. It is part of the spectrum. But not as much as about genetic girls and guys. I don’t look at chick with dick photos. (Mostly they are women with too much silicone and some man’s penis Photoshopped on I think.)

Honestly, I don’t have pre-op tranny fantasies for two reasons. 1) Most mtf transsexuals ultimate goal is be a woman: for them life before SRS is a transitional, false state. (Though there are some who are opting to live as hermaphrodites.) 2) It is disrespectful. The guiding force in my feelings for the differently gendered is respect and compassion.

Have I ever had fantasies about being dominated by a pre-op transsexual?

Yep. One.

There was a playmate photo of this woman with very large breasts even for that genre. Her face had a quality of contempt and weariness. For whatever reason I started imagining her with a penis and let myself imagine some pretty harsh BDSM with her.

Nobody else. Ever.

I like to be a gallant, caring and giving man. It was Alexandra who saw that my chivalry mirrored a desire to be submissive.

That was the start of a conversation that led to our relationship.

My sexuality is very adaptive. It rebuilds itself in response to the person that I’m with.

When I say that to me Alexandra is a she it isn’t just words. For me she has breasts larger than physical reality. I don’t see what is between her legs except when she wants me to.

Alexandra’s self-definition is still ongoing so my images her remain provisional.

To me she is a girl, with a tiny bit of boy but plenty of genetic women are like that.

Our D/s relationship is for me true woman worship. As much so as if she’d been born with a clitoris.

That she is transgendered probably does please me. But in a wholly non-kinky way. It wasn’t something that I pursued or would pursue. Relationships are best built on empathy, sympathy and a genuine mutual liking for each other.

If I were with a genetic female it would be different only in that I’d adapt to that person’s individual needs.

I can’t respond like a conventional monosexual person. Which is fine by me.

And I’m so very happy to enjoy all of my beloved feminine qualities from her soft skin to how she looks in a pair of boots.