Paradox of Obedience
» Prior Relationship
Obedience paradoxical within D/s? Surely, I jest.
I started to offer some glib comments about how easy it must be for people who strictly play or people who live D/s as a lifestyle.
Then I remembered Candace addressing the issue of voting: are you going to order the person who submits to you to vote against his or her conscience?
People who play - in this context I’m thinking of experienced men and women who have a real idea of how things work - normally establish a contract or guidelines that are strictly limited and go from there.
Alexandra and I have often talked of exploring Well, let us not call it anything so unattractive as a gray area. How about a nice lavender blur? We’ve thought of seeing to what degree her dominance and my submission can be enacted outside of our roles of Goddess and slave: without diminishing or damaging our conventional roles of lovers.
This is where the idea of obedience can become a paradox. I’m not a child, nor property. If she tells me to do something that I don’t feel like doing how do I respond? If we are striving to live in that blur how to say no?
Ideally our mutual knowledge would prevent an unwanted demand being made. Or my wish to please would bend me to her wills and whims.
But this is real life. I think that luck, directed by our affection, would probably prevent most problems.
But when those things fail what is the just response?
Honestly I don’t know.
Hopefully I will focus on my adoration. And she sensing that will be able to accept a respectful begging off without feeling her position is diminished.
That there’s a risk is why we’ve yet to explore this odd in-between of being together.
But the idea of behaving humbly yet with freedom tugs at my heart.
Comments
Do play or lifestyle. Your “blur” will just send you to divorce court.
Posted by: Don't Be A Fool | November 28, 2006 9:15 AM
Disagreement is cool but specificity is needed to make it meaningful.
When a longish time ago I first wrote about this I think I called it one of the riskiest things she and I have ever thought about.
From the day I left home my life has been designed to free me from authority. And were I to find myself going against my life experience, knowledge and intuition to oblige her in this context the potential for resentment is real.
But she understands the whole person that I am. Im not sure how many people would want to deal with a man so complicated.
So I think our love, empathy and intelligence will allow us to explore blurring things a bit. And trust those qualities and mutual respect will keep this exploration in perspective.
Sadly I live in an uncivilized country that doesnt allow us to be in a position for a divorce.
Posted by: Richard | November 28, 2006 2:41 PM
This is a tricky one.
For me, what happens when my submissive boyfriend “begs off” doing things I ask is that I feel my dominance has been rejected. It hurts me. I’m not proud of feeling that way, incidentally, I just do.
But when he begs off it is in the form of a question. He’s “not allowed” to unilaterally just not do something I ask, assuming what I asked was within the bounds of our relationship.
But every relationship is different, and navigating your way through these challenges is how you make it worthwhile for you. It sounds from some other posts like feeling imprisoned is a real threat to you, so it makes sense that it’s important for you that your submission be a continual gift of devotion, and not anything like the irrevocable clang of a prison door shutting behind you.
Posted by: devastatingyet | August 14, 2007 5:53 PM
Yes, very much so.
Posted by: Richard | August 14, 2007 6:21 PM
once we entered a 24/7 femdom relationship about 10 months ago my wife/ mistress has the final say about any decisions that have to be made. i when permitted,may offer my opinion but she makes the decisions. i always do what she says and do so because she is superior to me.
Posted by: slave tom | January 24, 2008 6:05 AM