Playful But Dominant
» Prior Relationship
As many men who dream of BDSM do I pushed my imagined scenarios to horrifying extremes. Bondage that would really leave me a cripple, pain that I don’t think I could endure. Normal enough for this species of sexuality (“I’ll do anything” they say because they don’t know anything.)
Zzzat! pretty much sums up my early fantasy life.
Then I met Alexandra.
From a chat we had today:
Alexandra (5:35:55 PM): I think we could do more ‘gentle’ stuff, and it would set the mood for the D/s rather than abruptly going into it.
Richard (5:36:57 PM): Yes. Something like that has been on my mind. I like it so much when you are gently in control or just accept something from me (‘vanilla’ or kinky).
Alexandra (5:38:12 PM): Me too. Partly I felt there was this ‘all or nothing’ problem. I felt that if I gently teased you in a playful but dominant way, I’d be getting you worked up possibly for nothing. Do you see what I mean?
…
Alexandra (5:39:06 PM): I don’t want to ‘frustrate’ you by teasing.
Unsurprisingly I made a coy remark about teasing.
When on my knees her fingers moved through my hair and I learned something: the joy of gentle surrender.
It isn’t that I don’t still treasure the images of being whipped until I whimper for mercy. I still want her eyes to laser through me evoking fear, to make me beg.
There’s also the huge delight in wriggling because however near the floor my head may be she’s gently caressed me.
But that is me talking, isn’t it? Not her.
Hard to find images of gentle play. But how happy these two Asian women look while they are out for a walk.
Sanely she doesn’t want to evoke the wrong sort of hunger. I was so afraid of showing that. I could’ve done more to make her happy but for my fear of seeming merely needy. Unless you are the sort of woman who wants nothing more than neediness in a man you probably have a keener sense of the wrongness of it than I do.
Let us say that at times she might be my Princess instead of my Goddess. Briefly taking control, softly manipulating me. Perhaps demanding a small act of obedience. Otherwise we go about our routines lives. Or when everything harmonizes perfectly we become owner and property.
Her choice: it isn’t role playing that makes me say that. Where would be my joy if she feels none herslf?
Goddess or girlfriendm nothing could please me more than making her happy.
My heart and mind are satisfied when I can be strong and helpful as much as when I bow my knee.
Blurred boundaries may be tricky: surely rich in possibilities.
My friendly Dominas what do you think?
Comments
I am having trouble with pronouns. Please forgive the use of “you”; the appropriate alternatives (“one”; “he”) sounded dispassionately clinical and unnatural.
Sometimes gentle is nice. Very few of us feel brutal all the time, and expecting us to be so would be unreasonable and tiring. It is, after all, about what she wants, not you. At least in theory—in reality, it is about the wants and needs of both.
There can be great joy in merely petting someone you will be hurting later. Both know he will be suffering later. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t affection. Intervals of gentleness, I think, also underline the fact that you belong to her, not because you are compelled to by extreme physical pain, but simply because you do. (In your case, because you love her, perhaps. I have no experience there.)
Posted by: R | May 28, 2005 1:45 PM
Tried to think of something funny or eloquent to say but, yeah, I love her.
For being her and for doing things like teach me that there’s such a lovely range of things we can enjoy.
Posted by: Richard | May 28, 2005 2:28 PM