Pleasing Myself II

Now this surely says much about me:

Imagining Alexandra tormenting makes me feel affectionate. And grateful. (Note to new readers: I’d love her even if she didn’t have a sadistic streak.)

Not that, despite our distance, I allow these images much space. My BDSM fantasies always veer off into extremes. And picturing someone you really have an S&M relationship doing things to you that would never really happen seems unwise.

So I mostly just see myself at her feet. (Briefly AtHerFeet was the pseudonym I used here until my discomfort with a fake name prompted me to use the name my parents gave me. (On most BDSM forums I use my real first, middle and last names and city.)

Sometimes when I try to nap the image of myself happily down there makes sleep impossible.

Damn, this was meant to evolve into an exploration of my unsatisfied kinks. But thinking of her absence makes me a little misty-eyed.

Naturally my beloved Alexandra is happy to oblige my cravings. I’ve wanted to reflect upon them while she’s away. Except when we do pure S&M I don’t want to seem to be presenting her with a menu. Having her surprise me is the real thrill.

But that pure submissiveness I’ve been feeling of late seems to block my access to my dirty dreams. I like that purity.

Alexandra has said that what I want is for her to be harder more often, for her to release her most potently dominating side. And that I need for her overcome the parts of me that may hold back. Umm … yes: she knows me very well. Best of all the prospect excites her. Though for now I feel I’d find a lifetime’s satisfaction in just resting my cheek on the end of one of her boots.

But I do wish I could get my fantasy life’s programming department to cooperate one evening soon. Because I know that once she’s back I’ll be wanting a little bit of this and a lot of that.