Rituals to enrich our relationship
» Prior Relationship , » Rules & Rituals
Adding small rituals, gestures where I show submission to her when we aren't in a scene is something Alexandra and I have been talking about.
Robert Bishop, who left us when he was too young.
These aren't things we'd always or even often do (at least in our current thinking who know what the passage of months will bring?).
She suggested that I kiss her feet when we come home after going out for a nice meal. I've wondered if there were other events we might include. Or if at times she might indicate I should do it by gesture. And I should let myself feel freer to do it when the need hits me. I've often refrained for fearing to seem a pest.
I've wondered if at times she might by wording indicate that I should kneel when bringing her a drink or something.
Serving her by Van Rod
The goal is to make it easier for each of us to more readily enter our respective D/s roles when we play.
We don't want to get into fussy protocol or let it interrupt the ordinary flow of our days.
I'm sure other couples have evolved small ceremonies and tokens, would be interesting to know what they've used.
Comments
I am sure you know many of our rituals, coffee, coffee and more coffee! smile We work hard to find the balance between him expressing desire for certain things and me just doing them. Often times, being told to do them does more to me than actually doing them. Other times, doing things on my own without being asked does amazing things to me. For a non religious person, I am terribly obsessed with ritual and traditions. On the other hand, they would affect our daily lives were we to try and do them always. I prefer seamless flow myself. For me, little things mean a great deal. He orders for me at restaurants, but doesn’t concern himself with my food selections at home. When we are out, he treats me much as a gentleman would have done many years ago. His hand in the small of my back, others see consideration, I feel direction. His putting my coat on, others see consideration again, I feel direction, he is indicating that we are leaving. Opening my door is his way of letting me know I am “allowed” to leave the car. What others may see as an act of service from him to me, really is quite the opposite! Perhaps in your relationship, it would actually be reversed. Placing Alexandra’s coat on her as an act of service, taking her hand to help her from the car, opening the doors, fetching her drinks, all those things are the little things that mean so much. At home, things are dictated by lil’ones and real life. He uses certain phrases to let me know how “formal” things are to be. Or how casual. How far we take it depends on what is going on around us. It takes time to make or break a habit and doing the little things are nothing more than developing a habit to me. I know I wasn’t very specific to what you were looking for, but I hope it helped.
Posted by: magdala | March 29, 2005 2:33 AM
Before we actually established a relationship Alexandra (who has known me for years) said that my vanilla gallantry gave me many of the qualities of a male submissive. In my relationship with feminine people I’ve always opened doors and given small attentions to things like an empty cup.
Verbal signals are something I’m wondering how we can employ. Or physical gestures.
Since we spend most of our time outside of D/s we both feel a need to not let it get too pervasive. But want to let our roles seep in to some degree to see if it’ll let us more readily switch to them.
While I unequivocally know I’m not cut out for the F/m equivalent of the Gorean lifestyle I have no idea where we’ll be at, say, a year from now.
Posted by: Richard | March 29, 2005 2:51 PM