Strike, Dear Mistress, and Cure His Heart
» Pain , » Prior Relationship
Chatting online with Alexandra yesterday she clarified something I wasn’t sure of.
I wasn’t sure if some complaints she made meant she felt she wasn’t able to inflict enough pain to modify my behavior or simply to make me beg her to stop.
It was the latter. Almost makes me feel guilty for being such a pain whore. But not really. I think of masochism of a gift: it enables me to reach emotional highs most people will never know.
But it should be a gift to her: that I offer my body for her most ruthless use.
Ok, the woman in this drawing by The Bishop is a bit over the top. But I’ve often wished to be bound that way. And the fear in his eyes …
I wish I’d begged. Not just to please her. Pretending it hurt worse than it did I can’t do. When I whimper it is evoked by the pain, not an attempt to play a role. I wish I’d begged because of my own hunger.
I’m a pain slut. As the BDSM personal ads like to say I want my limits explored and pushed to new levels. And I’m a slave: I want-need to please her.
Perhaps as she was trying to break me she did also not want to injure me. One of those fine lines a dominant has to learn and I’m sure it wasn’t easy.
There ‘re a fresh lot of painful instruments for her to use on me.
If I’m lucky one evening she will make me cry. My hope is those tears will both satisfy her and that she somewhere in the rear of her mind she’ll know the gift she has given me.
In looking at this website’s archives I see I already touched on this in Begging For Mercy.
So my How Do You Punish a Masochist? may have been irrelevant. Of course the ideas can be scaled down for play. Or used if we push outside the box a bit more.
Comments
“If I’m lucky, one evening she’ll make me cry…”
Wow, that little phrase truly hit me between the eyes.
I’m a femme, and adore being shown the wild dimensions of pain by a domme (either femme or soft butch). For some reason, I cannot cry. One extraordinary top tried over many months to get me to cry — spankings, bondage, the occasional extended threatening scenario. But — no tears, much to both of our disappointment.
You sound like you’re in a similar place, or?
Posted by: Justine | June 9, 2005 11:39 AM
Perhaps I’m a non-cryer as well. Or my desire to be taken there is too foolish. I realize that right now I’m too new at this to feel assured of any self-knowledge.
It will be interested if I one day beg for her to stop even if I don’t cry.
Do hunger - at least in my imagination - for explorations of deep pain, strong bondage and powerful humiliation.
Posted by: Richard | June 9, 2005 3:59 PM