Structure, Plan, Map

You are in a city where you once lived. None of the buildings look familiar. The streets seem to have changed names. A place once well known has become a maze. You are lost.

This sums up one aspect of my masochism drop.

Alexandra looked at her toy and no longer knew how to play with it. I, no longer at home in myself, could offer advice.

Oh, for a map or guide.

It was as if I suffered a small identity crisis. If I no longer knew myself how could Alexandra?

Hopefully the masochism drop will never reoccur. Even if it doesn’t something else might diminish her time home.

Alexandra proposed that we establish a formal framework for some of her time here. A contract as it were. But contracts in BDSM often sound silly. And masochistic submissive men like myself find it hard not to take them to fantasy. Best to think of it as giving parts of our relationship structure. It will always be in place. Should our map get lost we’ll have this.

Neither of us will have to worry and wait. If it is time for her to expand my tolerance for a certain kind of pain or to lock me up somewhere with a nasty ointment on my penis while she plays computer games: it will be done.

Naturally there’ll be some sort of escape clause. I think my sense of honor and desire to please guarantees they’ll never be used except in circumstances where something spoken won’t be necessary.

Alexandra has her own goals in this. One of mine is to spend more time as her collared pet. As I sat at her feet that was what I found myself craving. But my own lack of clarity stopped me from asking or begging for something that would’ve been gladly given.

(The most intensely pervy part of me hopes this will also allow us to explore more harshness but that isn’t exactly the goal.)