Tenderness and Pain
» Prior Relationship
A bit of kinky wallpaper was showing as my PC rebooted.
It was from a kinky manga site from which I downloaded many drawings. I couldn’t read the words in the URLs but images often are free of need of words.
A group of those inevitably big-eyed girls were holding a boy down while one of them flicked his testicles. I’m fond of this drawing. Though not a manga fan there’s something wonderfully oxymoronic - at least against the social norms - in seemingly innocent girls having a happy afternoon hurting a boy (physically as opposed to the mass culture images of high school heterosexuality).
This drawing put to mind one of a couple standing and kissing. She’s also shoving her knee between his leg. Romance mingles with a little pain. I thought it charming. I guess Alexandra did as well. Some evenings I live it. Her soft lips against mine, her knee against my softest tissues.
Tenderness and pain - sensual sadist is more than just the name of her web site.
Woman-like she intuited the tenderest pleasures of love commingled with just a touch of pain.
Like the night she slapped me between kisses.
Man-like - all my pansexual polyfetishism aside - I focused on hurt me, hurt me - please just beat the grawlixes out of me.
As I’ve said much of me now thinks of that space where I incline my head and heart.
The part of my heart that just wants to spew out those grawlixes is still alive.
But Alexandra has taught me that it can be more than just a womanly icon of implacability. She can always kiss my nipple before or after the clamp cuts into it.
And that, my friends, I would’ve never learned from “Femdom porn.”
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The not knowing is the stimulation.
When will she transition from tenderness to pain? Which part of me will be suddenly shocked into the transition?
My emotions vary greatly, depending upon whether the restraints are real or imagined. She has trained me to relish both.
Imagined bondage allows her to begin the fantasy quickly, for I know that changing my position without her permission brings a very real bondage from which there is no escape.
Prone on her mattress, my full, back-side body massage is followed by the command to, “roll over and prepare for the tortures of the tongue.”
I am tied and quartered, in our minds. Her warm spittle soothes, stimulates, tantalizes; and the anticipation heightens my stretching.
Not knowing, I secretly hope for the moment when the tongue becomes the teeth. But where? I think, but do not speak, “My testicles, madame. This day is for them. Please unleash your fury upon these orbs. Inside is stored your bounty.”
Posted by: Jardonn | July 10, 2006 3:10 PM