Paradox of Punishment
» Punishment & Discipline
(Note to a few of my gentler readers who’ve felt distressed when my mind has gone this way. The context is scene space, play space - make up your own term. Even in a sociopolitical context I don’t think much of punishment. Too often it has been a way of suppressing difference and nonconformity.)
I felt ignorant when I learned that Van Rod was a Gene Bilbrew pseudonym. Most of those appear to be a part of a story sequence (and I’d appreciate knowing more about that). This I chose because Alexandra once said she liked it.
Do you want to be punished but hate deserving it?
Do you reject the idea of just punishment in a loving relationship?
There are more possible responses to that than you may suspect but I’m going to ignore Loving Domestic Discipline, Head of Household and other modalities that have nothing to do with my life with Alexandra.
Alexandra and I are lovers, equals. Where does punishment fit into that?
She is also the woman who - if only at times - owns me and I’m the man who finds joy in being her slave.
My slavish needs are far too strong for me to ever intentionally earn punishment. Nonetheless at times I melt at the thought of her chastisement. I want her to strictly train me to please her in every way. To never fail but to be corrected for each and every failing.
When I am her slave she can torment me whenever she wishes: for her mere amusement. It is my nature to relish - if only after the fact - being tormented, perhaps mockingly, at her whim.
Punishment is probably only possible between us within a formal construct. Certainly one of values of protocol play. Rules can serve the purpose of shaping my slave behavior to match her wishes. They also increase the likelihood that I will fail: memory, tardiness, sloppiness may leave me at fault.
I want her control, to never be displeasing and - yet - her chastisement.
Sometimes I’ve numbered these among my “dark” desires. They aren’t dark in a bad way. I’m lost in the darkness of the back caverns of my mind. And can trust Alexandra to lead me back to the safety of daylight.
So I do indeed wish to grovel in awe of her wrath. And my only possible legitimate reason is in hoping that gives her the pleasures of authority and sadism.
No, not all the time. There are even periods when these feelings startle even me and I almost shy away from admitting them.
But when the right moods match it is another part of mutual fulfillment.
(After finishing this I read a smart woman say that she believed in discipline but punishment. Offhand I’m not sure of the substance of that distinction. But maybe it’ll inspire some future note.)
Comments
I don’t believe in punishment as part of my lifestyle. Like you, we are loving equals and I submit to the Raven because it fulfils both of us. If scening was purely about punishment, I would find no pleasure in it, it would be too cold.
Posted by: Mistress Sky | November 29, 2006 2:58 AM
getting a real spanking from my wife really hurts. she uses a plastic bath brush and it sets my bottom on fire real quick. we consent to get whipped when things happen which deserve a punishment
Posted by: hotbot69 | May 8, 2007 1:46 PM
I’m glad (and surprised) to see this as a topic. I’ve run into this wall as well - my core need seems to require that I be as “good” as possible for my domme, but the fantasies that really work for me involve punishment - not torture or sadism so much as “let’s help you learn”. The closest I’ve come to balance is in training scenerios, but unfortunately these don’t interest my domme. Nice to not be alone in this though - thanks!
Posted by: Lee | November 12, 2007 9:54 PM