Punishment as Education

This is a difficult topic. I don’t think punishment is a necessary component of a d/s relationship, but I’ll tell you how it’s working for me.

I get to give Joscelin tasks. If he doesn’t complete them (which sometimes happens, of course), then what?

If I had no recourse, I would just be disappointed and/or frustrated. Of course, this is basically how things are in vanilla relationships, but we’re not trying to have one of those.

In this relationship, I can punish him. Now, there is nothing I can do as punishment that I can’t do anyway. Limits and safewords all apply as normal.

Punishment is so much cleaner for us than my just being angry or upset or (eventually) accusational or whatever. I can just have a consequence for him and move on.

A submissive when he enters ownership is, in his own mind, 100% submissive. The owner quickly discovers although the submissive wishes to be 100%, that he has not achieved. The owner may then; (i) have a repitition of words with the submissive (ii) have a repetition of punishments with the submissive Words are quickly lost in the ether. Punishments linger and remind. As the submissive is moved to his 100% goal,aided by the pain, he matures

Dear Richard. I am like you in many ways. I would never give total power to anyone and definitely insist on making a lot of decisions myself. I hate the thought of slavery, though I can imagine some people find it exciting in role-play. I also object unreservedly to hitting children or anyone who is not an equal.

But I suspect punishment if applied with the best intentions to adults who are equals can really help them do the things that are good for them and avoid what does them damage. Perhaps this does not apply to you, but it does to me.

When she was my girlfriend, my wife would set rules that I had to obey in my own interest. She did this very conscientiously and spanked me if I broke them. I was not allowed a safe word. To be honest, the spankings were not hard enough. Nevertheless, they worked. I improved my behaviour, both to avoid incurring her disapproval and to avoid being spanked. It was not a surefire method, but it worked much better than admonitions without punishment, which is what I get now.

I don’t mean to argue with you. Obviously you know what works for you and what does not. But I think punishment can help many adults behave in a more mature fashion.

All the best

Gruffalo

Education and training is the heart of D/s, and punishment is the classic method. Hey, this is slavery!

Clearly, Mistress can do anything (up to negotiated and agreed-on limits) She wants to Her slave, just for Her amusement. She never needs a pretext to punish. But She can define the situation at all times, and if She says it’s punishment, and makes an educational issue of it, that’s what it is.

Either way, the slave, as the old joke goes, always has the last word: “Thank You, Mistress.”