When She Doesn't Want to Play

What are some strategies you use to adapt when you want to play and she does not?

Star overestimates me when turning to me for that advice.

I’ve yet to develop the ability.

That is so stupid:

There’s a fair amount of clinical exploration and practice sessions we’ve often talked about doing but rarely do. I become irked with myself when I consider this.

BDSM play has strong positive effects of my sense of wellbeing and happiness. Why be so foolish as to have less of that in my life?

Alexandra will have to return home. The less we’ll have done the more I’ll regret.

So I’m being a fool.

Why?

In trying so hard to never be like my late, unlamented father I’m rarely aggressive in intimate relationships. This has left me with almost no skill at dealing with erotic uncertainty.

Indeed one loving relationship died as much from my inability to overcome ambiguity. Confusion shut me down sexually. So much for my self-insight helping me live a saner life.

But to try to answer star’s question. I’m not sure how much of a generic answer I can provide.

Even BDSM relationships are highly individual. The distinct - if inseparable - levels of D/s and S&M have different cues and may be prompted by diverse stimuli.

Alexandra says a confession of need can be arousing. Though you may be like me: mostly always feeling the need. So make that clear to her. Politely, goes without saying, that isn’t D/s but the only proper way to treat friends and lovers.

Especially if for you BDSM provides a release from the stress of life and leaves you better able to get through the day. Let your lover know how much she can help you. The trick is to not be a nag.

If you know her well then there are probably gestures, maybe even things like music that help her feel sadistic and/or dominant.

Often a dominant won’t feel like playing because she’s tired. Work may be too demanding. Just as you would with any lover help her relax, share or ease whatever burdens you can.

Yeah, everything I said is trite. I don’t think there’s any hidden wisdom: it is all obvious basic psychology.

Somewhat shamefacedly I see that I wrote about this over a year ago. Aside from what I wrote then others offered their own suggestions: Getting Into the Mood, Setting the Mood.