Abusive Domme?

On and off I find some folks don’t understand our relationship.

Some assume we are a lifestyle couple. Mostly it is, in the words of Ira Gershwin:

The only work that really brings enjoyment
Is the kind that is for girl and boy meant.
Fall in love — you won’t regret it.
That’s the best work of all — if you can get it.

I love Alexandra; she loves me. And long before we were able to say those words we were friends.

D/s we engage in on multiple levels: Goddess/slave, pet, and maybe a level or two not yet defined or easily definable. Without wishing to seem vain from years of reading people talk about BDSM in their lives I think most operate in a narrower range. It isn’t an issue of better or worse, just difference.

I was startled to see a comment on Alexandra’s site that implied she might be abusing me.

He was still obeying. Why would you get angry at him over that.

I find it odd that you felt punishment was a good reaction. How would that change his feelings? He was behaving correctly. You are punishing him for not feeling the way you want him to feel?

She was responding to this part of Alexandra’s entry:

Anger seems like a natural reaction (if we remember that a Domme’s anger is not an uncontrolled, ugly rage) so the solution, if it happens again, appears to be punishment.

I’d placed a link to that entry on several sites seeking other’s thoughts about the boredom I’d felt as Alexandra’s footstool.

The reader was hasty, missing the “not an uncontrolled … rage.”

Punishment in this instance would be something deliberate and calculated response to try to achieve a mutually desired result.

When Alexandra does appear to be angry during D/s it is a very powerful. It does color my responses. As I’ve tried to explain before that anger can be what makes an act punishment. Down in a submissive or slave trance my mind becomes focusing on pleasing her.

So - in our relationship - it is a perfectly sane strategy. And I have total faith in Alexandra hurting me but not harming me.

Honestly - Alexandra knows this - her anger can awe and thrill me. But it isn’t something I’d ever deliberately seek to evoke. There’s neither love nor obedience in willfully pissing someone off.

Alexandra is never abusive.

We love each other deeply. As clichéd as it sounds if often seems more and more deeply with every day.