Pleasing Us

That’s exactly what I would love for both of us to be able to share! There were times when I did decide to be what I’d call “friendlily bossy” (what an ugly word the former is) and you seemed a bit shocked, which had the effect of pretty much stopping me from doing it. Well it didn’t, but it did recude it anyway :)

So it’s good to know that you do actually want it. Maybe you need to work on relaxing into it or something. You were very passive with Charles when he was assertive (until he really needed controlling) but that was always a stressful thing so maybe there’s a connection there.

Either way I’m glad we are getting these obstacles out of the way, not that I’m assigning responsibility solely to you. When I get around to forcing the next lot of entries out (for some reason part of me resists, even though it feels good afterwards to have produced something) I’ll expand on it a bit more.

It was a bit of surprise to realize that I’d never adequately communicated this desire to you. And I might not have if you hadn’t mentioned something along these lines the other night.

I’m almost afraid to use words to try to sum it up. My offering gentle deference, soft humility without either of us feeling a need to live within a stricter role will I hope give us each more happiness in this part of our shared lives.

In being better able to please you I’ll please myself. And there’s no shame in that satisfaction.

I love you so much.

You’ve always said how much you like a bossy girlfriend and most of the time there’s no problem but on occasion I felt like I was getting resistance, a minor look or some kind of questioning in a certain tone. Actually it was so out of character and unusual that that is why I don’t like it.

If you feel your assertion is going to cause acrimony, even a tiny amount, it tends to inhibit you a little, so sometimes I wanted to do it but ended up waiting for a moment that felt better suited. I think you getting into a funk over your desires was what caused this apparent moodiness. Some of it could also be misconception between us. Occasionally you did become hard to read and very detatched.

I’m so glad we’re getting this sorted out, anyway. I think most of it is just the effect of the pressure and stress of the times.

I love you too honey. And you should know I never doubt your intent or ability to submit or anything else. I think that since D/s involves the interaction of two very personal and unique constructs that this kind of clarification may be repeatedly neccecary as part of the maintenance, though it will surely diminish with increasing familiarity.

Maybe taking a step or two back is something we will come to do a lot in the future?

There’s no way to know how much my ex interfered with things between us. It certainly must’ve added to my moodiness.

And my hunger.

There’s some relearning for me to do. Like learning when you may be feeling playfully bossy or assertive. And we’ll each get getter at becoming attuned to the other’s frame of mind and intent. That can be a little tougher for a couple that has to spend chunks of their time apart.

I see our lives working together in many different ways so I’m sure you are right that we’ll have more times of stepping back for clarity.

I know we can make it all work. And then write that book about it.