A Handbook for Submissive Men?

» Rules & Rituals

Today I ran across a thread talking about the desirability of a handbook for submissive men.

When I outlined Rules for Voluntary Slaves I pretty much summed up everything I could think of.

Sure, it is a fairly generic list. But more specific strictures would have to be spelled out in terms of the two people and their relationship.

Relationships vary considerably: lifestyle 24/7, people who play with their life partners, female led relationships, those who engage in scenes with people met at fetish parties. And the individual mix of temperaments and fetishes there’s no way a rulebook could possibly fit most, much less all.

My list was just a specialized way of saying that a man who wants to submit to a woman needs to keep respect and courtesy at the front of his mind.

When some men write about their sense of woman worship and their hoped for relationship I find myself baffled some days.

I remember one guy writing that showing women respect was part of his contract. And read many who speak of treating women civilly as if it is some conversion they just underwent.

Were these guys hardcore sexist creeps in their earlier life? Women - other people in general - should be treated with courtesy and respect whenever possible. Those qualities are the oil that keeps society and social life running smoothly.

Of course respect would be interpreted as deference.

Being deferential seems a given in a relationship that includes power exchange. I’m not persuaded that it is a virtue when shown to women you don’t know (excluding obvious places like a fetish party if the rules of deportment are known).

And to subject a clerk at Starbucks with you humility is, well, I think a bit daft. Since she doesn’t have a context you are more likely to trouble her by seeming a creep than impressing her with qualities that are invisible and possibly unwelcome. Even many dominant women aren’t charmed to see the submissiveness turned on before there’ s been an introductory exchange and she expresses interest in your submission.

I’ll hazard a guess that if a man treats everyone with kindness and respect he’ll make a better impression on the dominant women he meets.

Once in a relationship if you feel you need the kind of guidance that a handbook would offer then it’d be a good idea to think of a contract for establishing the structure of the D/s part of your time together.

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Comments

If someone needs to be reminded to respect women I can think of two reasons:

1) He needs reminding because he’s a sexist pig

2) He wants to be humiliated by being assumed to be a sexist pig.

Certainly an interesting point. I’m sure a lot of masochistic men sort of hate women or want some way to perpetuate their believe that they are cruel and evil.

Which of course is just not true! ;)

i actually do things to get her mad at me to the point where she says you are going to be spanked hard with my hairbrush. now that gets me hot and i cant wait to feel that brush hit my backside. the noise further excites me and soon i am making pleas for her to not whip me so long. by now my bottom really stings amd i am crying like \i used to do as a kid. when she finally stops i am prancing around rubbing a red hot rear end. why this happens i cannot figure but every once in a while i seem to want a spanking and she obliges,

I’ve always liked to boss people around, especially men, however I never got the chance to until recently. Thing is, he’s really into it and I’m not sure how far I can go. I feel bad to humiliate him or hurt his feeling after I have done it but during the process it turns me on. Any suggestions?

There’s no conflict between love and humiliation.

Get him to share his fantasies and act on the ones that you think you’d enjoy.

After it is over give him aftercare and talk about how it went.

The two of you should be able to work out a style of D/s play that doesn’t wound him the wrong way.

Alexandra has done some pretty intense things to me. Normally the next day I feel really great. Being on the bottom can be joyous and empowering. Not while it happens but in the afterglow that follows.

For Cherri: If your man wants you to humiliate him, you are not being mean or unloving to do so. You’re giving him the satisfaction he wants. Don’t feel bad about it afterwards. Do, however, discuss your feelings and his. If you really have issues with humiliating him, he needs to know that.

I dont like slaves (men) who tease their Mistress to get punished.. this is so rude.. if I caught one of them doing this.. I kick him out and never contact him again.. he is here to please me not to tease me.. it’s all about Me not him..

About politeness, I require politeness from anyone I deal with (outside BDSM), if they messed I give them hard time..

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about A Handbook for Submissive Men?. Please stick to the topic of the entry. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard


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