Her Rules

I’m a confident, fairly self-realized individual. If you met me I don’t think you’d say this is a passive fellow who wants to be controlled.

When I’m on my knees obeying Alexandra flows naturally. I love feeling my will recede and being just her putty plaything.

There have been times when the obedience has gone deeper. When it has seemed as if her will was wired into my medulla oblongata. My actions seemed to flow as involuntarily as the beating of my heart. For me this is the overwhelming part of D/s.

I’m not sure but I think I go most genuinely into the slave trance when Alexandra is ruthless, overpowering. My sense of myself dissolves.

About a week ago I tried to explain in detail how her establishing more formal control would effect me in The power of protocols, rituals, rules and ceremonies (one of those entries where I hoped for comments but got none - not to pout about it).

There’s no reason for me to repeat what I wrote there. But because the word may seem so inappropriate or even wrong I’ll put it this way: I want to reach a prayerful state.

Alexandra has written the initial set of protocols I’ll be following. Even though it is inexpressibly joyful to know I’ll be spending more time collared I’m so nervous it took me three hours to finally bring myself summon the moxie to read it. Take a look and make suggestions: The Beginning of Protocol.

Even though it isn’t complicated and I don’t want to screw up I know I will at first. Establishing new habits isn’t easy. But I will honestly strive to obey.

Sometimes I’ve felt irked that people don’t understand the difference between being punish and, say, simply being beaten. I tried to give my own sense of this in How Do You Punish A Masochist.

I fear I may sound a bit grim. Don’t get me wrong. This will be an exciting adventure.