The Church of My Owner
» Rules & Rituals , » Sketches , » Worship & ecstasy
In my slightly over a year ago discussions with Alexandra - in the days before we met face to face - one of the self-divinations was how important the act of worship is to me. Nothing uncommon in that. But given my long-term image of myself as perhaps being mostly a masochist it reconstructed my inner life almost as much as the heliocentric image of the solar system did astronomy.
Since then I’ve tried to envision rituals of worship that are so strongly devout that they could easily make people long involved in D/s question my mental health. Wanting to make an individual your religion can sure sound nutty. But I’m partial to a view of myself that says I don’t fall so far from reality that I become forever lost.
I’ve never been able to create a ritual of praise and adoration that satisfies my imagination. Perhaps it would have to be imposed or my craving for idolatry is too potent for imaginary scenes.
Not that I don’t try. I’ve told you my fantasies are never fixed, a disadvantage when seeking intensity. Here’s one scene of deification.
An image of adoration by Bernard Montorgueil
Only once a week.
I prepare the room: light incense, put in place any needed comforts or tools. Whatever you have decreed. On my knees, head bowed I await your arrival.
I hear you walk past me and sit on the chair that is to me your throne. Striving to not let a single finger move I remain in place waiting for your words.
After seconds, minutes, whatever your whim decides you give me permission to offer my homage.
Perhaps you wrote a prayer that I’ve long since memorized and recite on these sacred mornings. Or you’ve prepared a list of the pains and degradations I’ve lived through during the past week and I thank you for each and every one.
What have you commanded that I do next? Massage you with oil? Throw myself chest and belly to the floor and grovel as I lick your boots. Is each week’s worship identical or do you add variations?
[ * ]
When my recital has concluded you arise and bind me to an instrument of your own devising. The chastity belt comes off. With cold deliberation you manipulate me until I cum without an orgasm.
Drained I want nothing more than to crawl off and rest. Retrieving the whip reserved for this day you beat me. Only ten strokes. Not your worst but painful. As you clinically explained to me when you established the ritual my beating is only to remind me that I will suffer pain at your hands whenever you wish.
You release me. My cum you collected in a bowl. When you put it in front of me I lick it up. Or do you piss in it first to deepen my abasement?
Then I crawl behind you to the bathroom and clean your body in the shower. Or - not wanting to be bothered with me anymore - you set some boring task for me to perform.
Thus once each week do I reaffirm that I’m nothing more than a creature who lives for your pleasure.
[ * ] My mind blanked a bit at this point. Something dehumanizing and humiliating seemed appropriate. An act that wouldn’t happen casually during other days. Really my imagination can’t carry me in this. As I suggest above to really be satisfying it would have to be imposed by another’s will. (What I chose is sure to be popular with some of you.) An almost impersonal beating that occurs at some fixed time is one of my ancient fantasies.
If you’ve envisaged worship ritual that isn’t just an S&M scene I hope you’ll share it.
Sigh
A footnote and afterthought. A sure sign I feel nagging dissatisfaction with an entry.
I wish felt I could convey the emotions more authentically. I fear it is beyond my powers.
I remember the night I felt genuine insight into this hunger for the worship experience. I was sitting on my porch talking to Alexandra who was 3,000 miles away (wonder if this was the night the porch swing collapsed scaring the devil out of her).
My momma’s maternal love will always remain something that strongly defines me should I live a thousand years. Honestly it came close to leaving me a namby-pamby nerd. Luckily it proved empowering giving me strength and courage. It enabled me to become a man who can be both a worthy romantic partner and slave.
My guess is that in those early months of life our mothers’ warmth and tenderness is the source of all our infant security. We receive it unconditionally.
At least in my case I suspect that when I speak of worship - and I realize it may sound like lunacy to some - that I’m seeking to, admittedly by an unexpected path, experience again that state.
Comments
The peak of adoration is to worship periodically every day. It is not important owner is in home or not. I think worship to owner once for every 3 hours except sleeping hours is appropriate.
The scene is not very important. For example, a room may be church. There must be photographs, personal items (especially shoes)of owner and foot washing water of owner in the room. And a video camera of course (It works when the door of the room open and record date, time and ritual. Owner may control whenever she want). There must be a watch in the house. But there is no need for a alarm. Slave must control time. When time is full slave comes to the room. Open the the door and kneel. Crawl to the altar. Stay on his kneel and look at the items for two minutes. He drinks a glass of foot washing water. Afterwards he kisses the shoes and says “Thank you for initation me”. If owner is in home he wants permission to make this ritual in front of the owner. If she is busy or not in appropriate mood, he does ritual in the room.
Posted by: Kemal | January 13, 2006 6:58 PM
I can understand the idea of distant adoration. Someone told me that her slave kneels every morning in thought of her. I thought that very lovely.
But I think the worship should be something specified by the owner, not just made up by the needy slave.
Posted by: Richard | January 13, 2006 7:13 PM
I think a shoe or a piece of sock can be a church for a slave.. If my Goddess is not next to me i can only worship her shoe or sock too.. I can kiss the ground which She walked all day long.. And i can do it for myself.. Bcs i love my Goddess.. So i have to do them.. Everything from Her can be a church fo me..
Posted by: Ali | April 5, 2006 4:57 PM
looking for a mistress I am from Azerbaijan
Posted by: Slave | June 28, 2006 8:56 AM
I am a Goddess who demands worship from My slaves, in My presence and in their absence. They create altars to Me, dressed with My pictures, dirty panties, socks, poems to Me, flowers, candles, and incense. They meditate to Me daily, either in the morning or at night, depending upon schedule. In My presence they may incorporate My golden wine or footwash. I love to know My slave adores Me and sends his love to Me. Prays the best for Me and allows his spirit to connect to Mine. Total surrender. On a naughtier note, I especially love to send them to the altar after they’ve been punished, paddled, and fucked.
Posted by: Supreme Matriarch | October 5, 2006 5:24 PM
Dear Respectable my fellows and Worshipable Owners, I am a slave who is looking for a Mistress,Mistress who give me my respect under the end of her dirty boot,i like : Punishment Abusing all the things my mistress like, plz give me a chance to prove myself. thank you
slave baber
Posted by: baber | April 27, 2007 3:02 PM
I love for My slaves to pray to Me.. u can check out My website and see My prayer room.. the site is still under contruction but almost done.
there is a slave application, slave laws etc.
get in contact if u think u can worship as I wish
Posted by: Miss Minxie | December 21, 2007 7:48 PM