Contempt Play

Yikes. I am not a masochist, and I was treated as worthless, and I was afraid. It was a horrible experience. It was a very real experience. And it was not something I chose. I got removed from that person’s presence finally because the other people around us couldn’t take our relationship anymore.

Many people get caught up in this kind if experience in far too serious a way. Play was a very deliberate word choice. If you cannot experience it that way then I think it is a bad idea. There is far too much risk for emotional harm.

On Safety

Pet has very poor self esteem and wants to be verbally humiliated and treated as worthless. I’m afraid I might do real damage and find it an extremely difficult thing to do - pet is precious to me. The compromise I have reached is to never humiliate pet in isolation, always at a time when there is something physical going on. When the physical part stops, degradation stops also; however, I still have concerns that it is detrimental to pet’s long term welfare. In some ways pet is fragile, I’ve set a rule; no mind-games and I draw distinction from role play which has a clear duration.

I would value commentary on this - I need insight and reassurance.

For myself I draw a sharp distinction between humiliation and degradation. I think of the latter as being physically repulsive acts, say, licking food from the floor. If the top knows the bottom fairly well degradation in my sense should be pretty safe emotionally.

I’ve often felt that humiliating - shaming - someone should never touch on an issue that is a serious problem for the bottom. Were someone to mock me harshly for being a masochist or being male that would be safe role-playing because I’m ashamed of neither fact.

Now were someone to mock me for enjoying performing fellatio (I like both genders) I would have a problem. Not because of guilt. But it would evoke a social evil – homophobia – and make me angry and end my submission.

My really bad relationship caused me to put on too much fat. I do feel bad about this. So if a top said “Ha! Ha! You’re a fat slob!” it would attack me in too vulnerable an area. While I’d probably only feel annoyed, others might have their ego attacked in a really hurtful way.

My own experience of verbal harshness is that it can be like nail in the brain. I ‘like’ it but could only endure it for a very short period.

Often people like myself need a top that will protect us from our own foolish desires. We all need someone to take the time and trouble to understand us.

Hope this helps.

I’m definitely with you on the “not poking them where it really hurts” thing. But in general I just can’t/won’t do shame play.

Things like licking food off the floor depend so much on how the act is perceived by both parties. Is it because you’re filthy like an animal and you don’t deserve to eat off a plate with people? Or is it because you’re beautifully humble and submissive and I just want you to show it to me by doing something difficult? The first one raises my hackles; the second warms my heart (and pussy).

In a way the thrill of degradation play is in being objectified. In a sense being under another’s power is akin to being a ‘mere’ object. Performing a disgusting act is a very pure way of experiencing that power.

Alexandra was disappointed that I didn’t find doing things like drinking piss or licking her boots humiliating. It is difficult to see a consensually performed act as shaming.