More: Constructing the Perfect Fantasy

The #1 sex symbol of the 1960s in this outfit must have driven masochistic guys crazy when The Magic Christian came out.

My first fantasies of BDSM were of men.

Reaching way back there’s a murky memory of an underground comic of a young woman wearing barbwire (!) for a belt and holding a whip in her hand. Often that drawing would come to mind with no real thoughts in my mind.

Tura Satana: in her role as Varla in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. Raw evil power that makes you want to grovel in the dirt while she kicks you.

As the possibility of female sadism moved from something I sometimes saw advertised in shabby tabloids to a possibility in my life I turned to the images then available to me. A few women on TV. And the women of Playboy. For professional reasons I had a ten year run of the magazine at hand.

No idea who this is. Someone sent it to me in an email. The gloss is at least combined with a touch of severity.

Hundreds of women with the best bodies that cosmetic surgery could buy. Maybe three struck my fancy. While there looks gave them power over men really they were but the latter’s toys. So few had “that look.”

Then came the OWK. I may sometimes mock this preposterous playground but whoever constructed the photo shoots knew every fantasy I’d ever had, introduced me to many more. The Other World Kingdom’s images derive their power by being humorlessly convincing.

The look that I imagine on the man’s face is what makes this Gene Bilbrew illustration match my masochism at its most immersed. Alexandra liked the woman but not the blood.

Then came art. Stanton, the masochist’s friend: how would we do without his legacy? And Gene Bilbrew (Eneg, Van Rod, etc.). Had they not existed we would have had to invent them.

Bill Ward - a complicated case. I knew his golden age comic book work well before I’d seen the word Domme. His good girl - Torchy - comics art was followed by a successful period doing glamor work. By the time he started drawing vicious women the rate of pay had dropped badly, turning him into a factory. His fingers may have lost their nimbleness as well. I probably came to Ward first, his fetish art was the easiest to find. And I spilled much semen imagining myself tortured by his demonesses. Until Alexandra pointed out how fundamentally ugly they all are. Whether it was her feelings or the simple aesthetic truth but Ward left my hard drive and fantasy life.

Sardax hits me at the core in this drawing. Used with permission of Sardax. All rights reserved.

Then Sardax swum into ken. A master of texture and lush color harmonies. Those arctic and mocking young women you knew could easily make you their puppet, enslave you with smile mixed with an arched brow. Often I was riveted by the simplest sketch. A young woman waits on the couch crop in hand. A lad bound to a tree in the hot summer receives just a touch of water: perhaps only enough to cruelly remind him how thirsty he is. And that poor man on his knees crawling over rose branches to the woman who smiles with content cruelty.

I seem to have lost my path.

My fantasy Dommes have usually fairly sexy. I’m not ashamed of that. Photographs of beautiful women are the most easily found.

Even if you saw it full-sized you might not catch what I found in her face. She was one of the first women I imagined dominating me.

But I’ve never felt a need for a supermodel sadist.

The thought might not even have struck me were it not for the male sadists I’ve fantasized of. Sure, some have been handsome. Most were not. Just any man who looked like he’d take me, use and abuse me was fine. Mostly they looked ordinary. Ugly was fine give the right attitude.

My virtual movie studio stopped seeking new performers a long time ago. Not that new players weren’t welcome: but it takes too much time - even on the web - to be looking.

I have a real someone. The art became mostly a way of sharing wishes and discovering her likes.

In real life what matter is a harmony of desires and a conviction that the person really means what they say.

Related: Femdom Pop Culture