BDSM as Religious Experience
» Worship & ecstasy
On Fetish Lore I was curious to see what I might stir up by a short note on Dominant Worship.
We do talk about “worship” in BDSM. Is the dominant a replacement or displacement for a Cosmic Almighty?
I’ve long felt that throughout my romantic life - which has been mostly without BDSM - that I’ve been seeking to find someone to return the unconditional love that my mother gave me. And learned what an emotionally expensive that yearning can be.
In a telephone conversation with Alexandra I had an epiphany. We’d yet to meet in the flesh. What we were talking about is forgotten. That flush of delight that accompanies a new insight is still vivid in my mind. As I stood on my porch chatting it came to my mind that the need that adoration within D/s filled for me was to experience anew the feelings I had as an infant as she held me in her arms.
That insight is really only a speculation. Even if it is true for me there’s no justification in saying it is true for others.
Not that I want a mommy. In my construct it is the pre-verbal, earliest period of life.
The most common explanation for the origin of religion is the human desire for explanations and purpose. Were my speculation universally true then it might add to the picture.
Suggesting that adoration of the dominant might be a substitute for ‘religion’ had a couple of purposes.
Could I invoke a sense of the taboo?
Violate psychological conceptions of the emotional nature of power exchange.
I’m not merely an atheist: I’m an anti-theist. Anti-spiritual, stone cold materialist, guy who worships if anything reason: hopefully eudemonia - happiness through reason. And the history of Christianity - may it perish from the earth - is one of my hobbies. No taboo for me.
So much for the man of reason -now if I could only live up to this purported rationality in my daily life.
Seeing a connection between the worship of a metaphysically transcendent deity can edge up against emotional balance. Threaten the just proportions that are necessary to emotional health.
No one needs any fresh testimonies of the dangers of fanaticism.
And - by the way - I was ‘born again’ as a lad. I know first hand the war piety can wage against intelligence.
In Tops: Self-Acceptance, Self-Control, BDSM Addiction mentioned the potential danger of worship for a dominant. Think of all the cult leaders who fell over an emotional abyss.
If you’ve read many BDSM personal ads you know how filthy the demand for worship can be. From those people come the abusers that we wish didn’t exist.
But bad people do everything, even drive cars. Their existence doesn’t invalidate anything.
Religion and BDSM unquestionably have their parallels.
Rituals for those that like them are akin to liturgy. (And like liturgy frequency insures that you’ll really be thinking about what’s for dinner.) Communion wine and wafers though don’t invoke the fear of false theatricals.
Self-sacrifice, self-transcendence, ecstasy - these are things both religion and consensual power exchange share.
Ideally adoration is a source of happiness, perhaps even peace of heart. The metaphor doesn’t matter. Nor the parallels. In all human relationships a fundamental core of sanity is necessary for the enjoyment of the seemingly insane.
My Goddess worhip - as long as neo-paganism isn’t associated - gives me great joy. That is why this section is entitled Worship & Ecstasy.
Not unrelated Female Supremacy as Metaphor.
Comments
And I need it ;)
Posted by: Alexandra | August 3, 2007 7:58 PM
As I need to offer it. As deeply and honestly as I can.
Posted by: Richard | August 3, 2007 8:16 PM
I honestly never quite understood how people can see their BDSM as a spiritual experience, yet claim they’re not spiritual people.
I’m not trying to contradict you, Robert, or tell you what to value or anything, but that always seemed… off to me.
I think a big harmful meme propagated by organized religions is that humans can’t be spiritual guides, conduits, etc.
Personally I think that’s just as real and just as important to spiritual life — perhaps moreso — than any gods.
Posted by: Trin | August 4, 2007 6:58 PM
Robert? Oh no, not Robert! I’ve been getting that since I was about seven.
I’m sorry the entry wasn’t clear. I don’t have spiritual experiences. While I understand that some people may like to use the word spiritual for deeply moving experiences – and I’ve done it a time or two in haste – really I find it inadequate and distasteful.
My intent was to suggest that in my case the same psychological event triggered by infantile experience of my mother, adoration in D/s with Alexandra and may have a parallel with deep religious experiences. Or perhaps entail some of the same dangers of religious experience.
I probably should’ve cut this up into a few more detailed entries. But I don’t see myself as having ever called my relationship with her spiritual. R
Posted by: Richard | August 4, 2007 7:19 PM
domly voice I MEANT to do that!
Ee. Sorry. There’s a “robert” over at Ren’s and I thought he might be you and got confused.
Posted by: Trin | August 5, 2007 11:41 AM
Worship, according to the dictionary is ‘uncritical love’. Just because some religions contain worship of a deity as a concept, doesn’t mean that word need imply spirituality or any religion.
Before going further, I feel I should disclose that I am an agnostic.
Though uncritical love implies unconditional love, the converse is not true. You can love unconditionally without being uncritical.
In contrast to unconditional love, loving someone no matter what they do, uncritical love is loving someone for what they do, no matter what that is.
The decision to love someone whatever they may be is an act of faith, and faith, by definition, is unfounded.
To express worshipful love towards someone gives them power over you in proportion to the worshipfulness of your love. Because the object of that love is not completely known, the results are not guaranteed.
God would be an example of an entity that is hardly known at all. If a God exists, then he doesn’t even let on that he’s real. Nor does he give any indication which of the myriad religions if any represent his views. But if God be the all powerful Creator, then it isn’t much of a risk to love God uncritically, since, being all-powerful and all-knowing, your criticisms would be irrelevant and stupid.
However, people are not Gods. People, even worshipped people, make mistakes, have faults, and can not legitimately make the claim to someone who does not worship them that they are worthy of it. Anyone who worships a human being must accept that they worship a flawed being.
Is the decision to worship another person wrong? If worshipped, are you worthy?
Some degree of uncritical love is inherent in any love since to show love at all to someone you do not know completely entails willingness to deal to some degree with surprises. Love entails learning about someone, and faith in that person as well as sharing oneself.
Is unlimited and purely uncritical love of another human being wrong?
People immolate themselves for what they believe is ‘God’. People fight wars, suicide bombings, and untold heinous atrocities for what they believe is ‘God’. Each person is responsible to keep their critical eye open. The answer is yes, it is wrong.
If worshipped, are you worthy?
Yes. You are worthy of being worshipped by anyone who worships you, but not by anyone who doesn’t worship you. Let them see your true colors. If they still worship you, then you’re still worthy.
Because of the power exchange inherent in worship, it’s not something that can grow quickly. It can only grow over time. And because worshipful love implies other forms of love, it can be the entire basis for a loving relationship or it can subsume a loving relationship of another character. It can also fade away completely or fade leaving a loving relationship of another character.
In bdsm, mistreatment of the worshipper serves many purposes.
What use is being worshipped? None, unless advantage is taken.
Who would want to be worshipped? Nobody unless they could take advantage.
So to worship someone you must expect they will take advantage.
Loving someone no matter what they means they are in a position to define to you what is lovable. Mistreating such a person, they fall in love with the mistreatment. Such a person can eventually be trained not to balk at anything whatsoever. They can eventually learn to calm their fears about letting go of the reigns of control over their own life by feeling security in being a valuable and especially abjectly compliant sex toy. They feel that it is right that they be mistreated, as in their desire to love worshipfully, they have actually changed who they are to fit into the way their love treats them.
And because their worship is wrong, with each whip slash they submit to, they earn their next.
Posted by: KarmaChameleon | November 23, 2007 4:59 PM