Craving Less. Getting More.
» Worship & ecstasy
When Alexandra is on the other side of the ocean she and I chat most days.
Rarely do we talk about the D/s part of our love. Mostly when we talk I’m thinking of the scent of her hair and how wonderfully her body responds to a massage (sorry, not a D/s act for us). I can get quite drunk on all the old perfervid thoughts we postmodern folk should’ve outgrown but I in my immaturity haven’t.
D/s did come up tonight. If she just alludes to her pleasure in my adoration of her through boot worship the smell and taste of her boots come alive in my mind with exaggerated clarity.
I was telling her how I think I’ve finally really managed to disentangle my masochism from my submissiveness. Not that they can be actually pulled apart. But a limited distinction can be made.
I’m sure that I can enjoy just kneeling that act important as a symbol than the event in itself.
The fear that submitting would cause me to want more: to have the assurance that we would progress to a more intense scenario has been a big stumbling block for both of us. I’d feel reluctant to offer a small submissive gesture for fear of my appetite for pain taking control. And she’d be reluctant to invite my submission in case that happened. (Standard reminder: we aren’t a lifestyle couple.)
Now that I’m confident that I’m happy with less we can enjoy the exchange of power more often.
I get too much pleasure from pain to want to lose my masochism. And Alexandra’s real enjoyment of inflicting that pain wouldn’t have me otherwise.
But it is good to know that I can choose to sit at her feet without either of us wondering if it need be a prelude to anything else.
Comments
Has there ever been the occasion when you’ve wanted nothing more than to show your submission and adoration, but Alexandra inflicted pain? Has she ever taken you beyond what your mood desired for that particular encounter?
I would think that if such a thing were to happen, it might be stimulation on an even greater scale for you. She could show you that she knows better what you desire, and you would adore her all the more.
Posted by: Jardonn | August 22, 2006 1:19 AM
Not really.
Her sadism and my masochism have mostly kept in balance with me wanting more pain if there was any disparity. I’m your classic “pain whore” kind of guy.
But I think I know what you mean. There was a night when she was a veritable Goddess of Wrath, mercilessly working my nipples and upper arms with a cane. The pain was so awful that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to take it.
I always treasure the recollection of how totally overwhelmed I was.
Posted by: Richard | August 22, 2006 6:08 AM